My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost five years, and we’ve been living together for about three years now. I love him a lot, but we decided to get a puppy together and the entire situation has made me realize that our priorities may not be aligned. We’ve been talking about getting a dog ever since we moved in together, and he’s always been on board. We had been pushing it off as we both wanted to be in a position where our schedules and finances allowed us to put all of our time and effort into raising a puppy. I’ve saved up for years, and I’m finally at a point where I can change my work and school schedule around to allow for me to spend most of my day with the puppy (my boyfriend works from home, so his schedule is a little more flexible as well).
Now that we both felt ready, we met with a breeder a few weeks ago and immediately fell in love. We put down a deposit, and now we are supposed to be picking up the puppy in three days. However, over the last week, my boyfriend has seemed uninterested. I’ve been puppy-proofing our house over the last two weeks, and he hasn’t been putting as much effort into this process as I have. He just doesn’t seem as excited anymore as if the puppy blues have hit him before the puppy even gets here. A part of me feels like it’s finally hitting him that we are about to go through a huge life change (and big relationship step) and he’s getting cold feet. But I also feel like he’s not sure if he wants to actually take on the responsibility or making the sacrifices that he needs to be able to raise this puppy.
This morning I asked him how he was feeling, and I could tell that he was not very receptive. I am feeling devastated because I know I can’t bring a puppy into our household if he’s not 100% on board. I think it’s mostly upsetting because he had never expressed any doubt to me, but something feels off now that we’re only a few days from getting our puppy. I guess my issue is that I have no idea now if he actually wanted/wants the puppy or if he just doesn’t know how to say “no” to me. I personally feel like I am at a point where I am ready for this as I’ve spent so much time preparing for it in all aspects of my life, but I don’t think he’s ready to give up certain things (like sleeping in or time with his friends). Me, on the other hand, I am determined to do whatever it takes to give this puppy a good home, whether it’s going through sleep deprivation or cancelling plans (already used to that thanks to law school!!!!).
How do I approach another conversation with my boyfriend about the puppy? Or will this cause resentment if I keep bringing it up? I just feel like all my hope and excitement has been lost now that I most likely have to give up my own goals and desires because he doesn’t want to share the responsibility (or express how he truly feels). He hasn’t told me outright that he doesn’t want it, but I’m nervous that he’s been acting differently now that it’s almost real.
TLDR: My boyfriend was on board to get a puppy, but now we are three days from taking our puppy home and he seems to have changed his mind. I am tired of waiting for him to take on more responsibility because he doesn’t want to sacrifice anything for a pet that we initially agreed upon. I’m worried that he will always be a poor communicator when it comes to big life decisions. Not sure how to approach another conversation with him.