What is it called when you cannot express real emotions or thoughts so you watch YouTube videos or read stuff by people who know how to put it in words so that you don’t have to be that person, so that you do not have to put in the effort in really understanding yourself on a personal level?
How do people really identify themselves in crowds? How do you not just desperately try to blend in?
It’s not that I really have to change myself to fit in in most cases, but that’s mostly because I don’t really think that there is anything real here, anything that I can recognise as ‘me’. How can one try to be a full-fledged real person?
I genuinely have no real idea on how to frame my thoughts and structure my sentences in a way that makes real sense. What information should one give out, and when would it be the right time to give that information? When can I know for sure that it is my turn to speak, that I am not interrupting someone, that I am not being rude by accident?
It feels like I am desperately trying to be good at a skill that I know for sure that I am bad at, but apparently giving up is for losers.