My sister and I have always been very close despite the age difference. Of course, we have had our dumb sibling arguments here and there about clothes or whatever, but they have usually been resolved quickly.
Now that she’s older, I believe she is much quicker to anger and our relationship isn’t the same at all.
She is VERY spoiled and has always been given any material thing that she’s wanted and my parents adore her. But, as much as I hate saying it, she has grown up in my shadow. It doesn’t help that my parents love to compare our personalities as well — I’m the sweet, hard-working sister and she’s the unpredictable, spoiled one. I will be the first to admit that my parents have likely added to her insecurities throughout the years with the way they speak about us. Now, I am in a successful career, and am also marrying someone with the same title, so my parents love to brag about it. This, obviously, makes things worse. She is doing great things as well, but I think she forgets she’s years behind me in age and may be in the same place or even surpass me once she’s older.
Thanksgiving weekend, she provoked my fiancé (with me in the room) and he raised his voice at her as he said, “What the f—, [name].” My sister immediately ran to my parents room and accused my fiance of attempting to physically harm her (which was a lie, as he was sitting on the couch the whole time and barely looked up from his phone while he said it). This turned into a HUGE argument between my mom, sister, and I. Once my mom heard the whole story, she believed my sister to be in the wrong, and my sister completely blew up. She yelled horrible insults about my fiancé and I, accused him of abusing me because he “screams so easily”, and said she’d never talk to me again if I married him. She also said she is terrified of my fiancé now and worries that he’ll kill her (she even barricaded her door that night with a shelf). She then turned her anger on my mom because she took my side. Long story short, this resulted in my mom and I not talking to my sister for a few weeks. While I’ve been home for Christmas, she has been very remorseful towards my mom and I and even cried when she opened one of her very expensive Christmas gifts. We thought she may have changed.
Today, we talked with my mom about wedding dress shopping. My sister said she’d go with us, but she would want to try on a dress while we’re there. I snapped (probably too quick), “This isn’t about you.” Big mistake. My sister blew up again and said I was going to get divorced anyway, she hates my fiancé, etc., but I decided to walk away and just end the fight before it started.
These are just 2 examples of many other times in recent years that she’s “seen red” once she’s upset and blows small things out of proportion. My parents are trying to push her towards counseling, but it’s difficult now that she’s an adult.
My wedding is in 10 months and she has always been my choice to be my Maid of Honor. I am thinking of removing her from the wedding party completely as she may cause drama rather than support me, but I know this will completely set her off and I worry about what she will say or do. I have no idea how to approach any of this. My fiancé doesn’t dislike her and just wants me to be happy. My parents want me to sweep everything under the rug to avoid conflict. I haven’t said it out loud, but I don’t look forward to my wedding anymore because of this whole situation. Help.
TL;DR: I don’t know if I should kick my quick-to-anger sister, who also hates my fiancé, out of my wedding.
EDIT: I feel that I should add that my sister has no reason to think my fiancé would abuse me, let alone kill her. He has never shown any aggression towards either of us and has been very close to her for the last 3 years of us dating.