I (19 F) have been in a relationship with my (20 M) boyfriend for 3 years. I love him very much and can’t imagine my life without him but I keep cheating.
We recently got back together after being apart por about 6 months, regardless of being apart we never stoped seeing or talking to each other.
Previously I had cheated on him and we moved on from it (it was not the reason we broke up). We are now very much in love and in a great point of our relationship.
In the time we were broken up I started college and I got many different friends but I became really close to one of them (18 M).
We became best friends and would talk and hang out all the time and he really helped me in my worst. We later became friends with benefits and I had feelings for him but I don’t any more. We were kind of exclusive but we never had an official relationship.
Before getting back together with my boyfriend I was clear and told him I had been with someone else. He asked to cut contact with my friend and as much as it hurt I did.
We recently started talking again and I had been keeping it a secrete from my boyfriend. We’ve exchanged nudes a couple of times and recently I went to his house and things happened.
I feel horrible and I wish I could stop this behavior of mine but I can’t and I don’t know why.
I feel like I don’t deserve my boyfriend or my friend.