My husband and I have had a pretty rough year. We don’t have the best communication skills, but we are working on it. I’m trying to “counter” this until we start therapy in 2 weeks, but I’m having a hard time doing so. Like I said we have had a rough year, toward the start of the year he started playing Xbox nightly. We have three kids, when we lay them down at 8 that is our only free time. Totally ok with him playing Xbox, I love to hear all about the stuff he is interested in at the time or building. Everyone needs alone time too! But this became and every night occurrence. From basically 8:30- 11 then would jerk off to porn while I was asleep. He stopped pursing me completely and started to disconnect. Porn has always been an issue in our relationship, I’ve let him know 1000 times that if we have a heathy sex life and porn isn’t interfering then I don’t mind. I myself watch porn from time to time. I will bring up the games or our sex life and he will seemingly be able balance it a bit better but it always goes back to the same routine. I felt so alone for months, I wouldn’t just sit there and cry I would read, scroll, craft, but sometimes more than not honestly I just want to be with my husband once we lay the kids down. I felt very unwanted and honestly unattractive, I’ve always been fairly confident, and take pride in my looks (I know it’s not all about that). I get hit on a lot like most women and always have just ignored it. When I was sitting there every night alone even after I expressed how I felt I started wanted validation from other men. Not at all ok, at any point. My husband went through my phone and saw I had sent an inappropriate snap to someone. The whole thing makes me sick, not that I got caught I would have told him anyway bc I couldn’t live with myself. It obviously caused even more issues. Then he had some family issues arise that took a toll on him and he completely shut out. From everything that has happened I understand. The past month has been the worst yet. He has become very short tempered, emotionally not there, has started doing and saying mean things to me. We were having a conversation the other night and I asked him honestly was he still in love with me and he just sat there. You could see on his face he wanted to tell me he wasn’t, but he really is just a nice guy and my birthday was the day before. This broke me. I know we have had issues but, I don’t only love him but I’m truly in love with him. I started to cry and told him I was scared and if he would please answer. He said he did, but I felt like he was just saying it bc he doesn’t have the heart to tell me. All his actions and word’s lately have been clear to me his feelings are different. We have kids and I know he wants the best for them and doesn’t want to have their parents divorced but I feel like that’s the only reason he is here now.