Gf and I have been dating 2 years. Bit of an age gap, I’m 33 now and she’s 25. I don’t neccessarily look in my 30s, which is lucky.
When we met, it was kind of a mess imo. I’ve
never done multi dating and very little hooking up. She was seeing 5 guys at once for the girst 2 months. I didn’t know exactly until much later.
Here’s the sex issue. I reread old messaged and read about her saying she has a high sex drive and didn’t want to scare me off. She talked about her daily record being 7 times in one day with exes, making sex tapes. All that fun stuff.
With me, we had a few months maybe if I’d call it that where we might go at it a couple of times in a date night, still averaged maybe 2 times a week. Every other week for the past 2 years I’d say it’s been once or slightly more. 3-4 times a month ish. It’s vanilla, I’ve tried different stuff, it always comes back to missionary or prone bone. It takes us 15 minutes, she cums every time often twice. I prod every now and then asking if it’s good if she’s happy, and she says yes. Wouldn’t change a thing.
I don’t need anything crazy from her, I don’t need sex tapes or weird positions. That’s not the point. The point is I’m scared she’s lost or I’ve killed her passion. When we have sex she’ll often say oh I haven’t given you sex in a while. She’ll sometimes initiate, but I still get that sense of her needing to make me happy so I don’t leave, she’s said as much. That’s not what I want man. When we met she said, I’m 22 I’m up for trying stuff, I want her to want me. When I look at her I can’t not get turned on, she’s drop dead gorgeous, perfect. I can’t keep my hands off her. Meanwhile she’s on her phone, or thinking about the dog (I love our dog, it’s not that). I’m a passionate dude, if all these other guys got to have crazy hot sex and we just immediately fell into long term relationship maintenance sex, like what the hell did I do wrong?
She we through some serious changes, and at first that’s what the valid excuse was. Bought a house, got a dog, new jobs. I get it and I don’t judge, i totally ubderstand. That’s not the problem. I’ll get stressed and not be horny. But not for 2 years. Right I told myself no worries, when were settled ill see if things balance out. She said that, oh it’ll get better. It did a tiny bit, but we’re in our prime man, why never had the wild passionate sex phase.
And I don’t really blame her, I blame me. I have to figure out what I’ve done. I think these other guys were more assholes, more assertive, demanding. I’m overly kind and empathetic. If she’s busy or not in the mood, stressed, I don’t want to bother her with sex. She’s hard to read, she sits on her phone all the time, I can’t get any ques. I can take control and play the asshole bit, but not for real be an asshole, I’ll take her and throw her on a bed, slap her ass, pull her hair, have my hand around her neck, move her around how i want her. I can do that, but only if she’s up for it. I’m not going to actually be a dick. I want try anal, try fucking her in the kitchen, 69, fuck her in front of a new mirror, go down on her more. But every attempt at something new is just not received.
I don’t know, that’s to much ranting. I think she’s in happy relatiomship mode, and I love that. But I don’t want to spend the next 50 years having sex 2 or 3 times a month, 15 minutes, because she should. Like fuck that man, where is the fire. Do i discuss this with her, or leave it be, or leave her?
Tl;dr: gf has past, 30 dudes, lots of hookups, lots and lots of sex, 7 times in one day record. Anal, sextapes. I come along and she’s happiest ever in relationship, but just never had that passionate phase. We have maintenance sex mostly. We go 3 times a month at best. For 2 years. I think im too soft, not assertive, but thats also why she likes me. I’m a good man. Do I bring this up and try to rebuild passion, or has that ship sailed an it’s better to move on?