stuff i have done in the past is coming back to ruin our relationship.

Hi. I (21f) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (21m) for over a year. At the start of our relationship i had a friend who texted me one day and said that he is into boudoir photography now and has been modeling and clicking pictures by himself and if i would be interested in seeing it. This was just at the start of our relationship still i wad confused af. So i called my boyfriend and asked him what to do. He said he didnt know but i was confused too. So i told my boyfriend to check the pictures himself first and if he finds it ok maybe i will see them. So we decided to do that. Now my boyfriend looked at the picture and he said it wasn’t ok to look as he was completely nude but the thing is i misheard him and thought he said it was ok for me to look. I swe the pictures and were immediately disgusted. I have a problem where i can’t really handle other people being nude except for my boyfriend or like a person i really have feelings for. But anyway my boyfriend git pretty upset after that which is understandable. We had a huge fight. And he told me it was ok and stuff. But it did become a sore spot in our relationship. Now i told this friend that i was uncomfortable he had send these pictures to me and that he shouldn’t have said he was horny and all to me while he knew i was in a relationship with someone else. But i did tell this in a very sweet manner. It wasn’t until another huge fight with ky boyfriend that i completely removed this person from my life. Now fast forward a few months. My boyfriend and i had a huge fight. I wasn’t talking to anyone and it was birthday of a friend of mine. I told him i couldn’t post anything on my story because i didn’t have any pictures of his. It was a really lame excuse because i didn’t wanna post anything at that timr. Anyway he send me a shirtless pic saying i should post that and i didn’t think much of it and did so. This madr everything worse with my bf. He went off and broke up with me. I begged him to stay because i am that attached to him and apologized a lit while also cutting the other person out of my life. Again a few months later a close friend of mine came to visit mr at my home and we were in my bedroom and we clicked pictures and posted stories which i send to my bf. He said he was cool with it. And everything was fine. But after some months he brought up these pictures and told me how i shouldn’t have taken suck pictures because i was very close to the guy almost hugging him type and in somr pictures my cleavage could be seen. Now i completely understand his side because i am a very jealous person so if it had been him i would have also lost it. An additional info to add is that i cant seem to be sexually attracted to anyone i dont have feelings for. I don’t know why it is that way but it id what it is. So my intention was never to cheat on him or anything leading to something like that. I don’t think i could ever cheat on him. But regardless of my intentions i understand how my bf feels. The problem now after months he randomly blows up at me regarding this issue. By bursting what i mean is that he is still very hurt that these things happened and he tells me about how hirt he is but it just always end up in an argument with us sayjng hurtful things to each other. It has been so long and he still cannot get over it or move on. Stuff like this hasn’t happened again but past trauma is still trauma. He just breaks down at times crying, he has nightmares about this and so he will tell me all this stuff and everything just becomes an argument when i try telling him how its been long or what i can do. Its just very difficult for us both. Just yesterday he said a lot of stuff about how he only loves me 60-70% qnd that what i did was not ok. Now ik what i did was not ok but him randomly blowing up months later is just hurtful. If i say anything back to him he just goes off about how i can even think about talking back to him about this knowing i am clearly in the wrong. He even said i do not have any loveable qualities so how is he supposed to love me and that he is only with me now because he is ashamed to break up as we had to fight a lot with his family for our relationship (we live in a very conservative country). Ik he said some of these things oit of anger but it hurts nonetheless. I am not in a stable mental condition rn. At all. Neither is he. But yeah him having these outbursts has had a huge effect on me. I am going to therapy for issues with my family and the therapist has said that i might have some personality disorders. Anyway i do not know what to do anymore or how to amke things right. I cant just keep on taking his outbursts because i made mistakes. I know i should but i cant. Im not mentally ready for that. I have no idea how to proceed or what to do and he is also in the same place. Wr both love each other very much but yeah how do we move past this? What can we do? Any advice on how to move on from this obstacle will br greatly appreciated. I do not blame him for any of this and completely understand his side because i would also have been very much affected. But i just cant seem to handle him living in the past he also feels the same. So any advice would be helpful.