We have been together for about 6 months now.
We are both young and we are each others first relationships so everything has been new for both of us.
But the pleasure gap in our relationship is pretty huge. He finishes at least once every time we do anything sexual, and I can count the times I’ve finished on one hand. None of which have been due to his actions.
He’s used his fingers a few times, and I understand female anatomy is harder to figure out than male, but he struggles to do it well enough, or for long enough, for me to get anything really out of it. I try telling him what do to, but by the time I’ve tried to communicate it, he sort of huffs and gives up. As if he’s frustrated that he’s not doing it right from the get-go, and my constant advice is damaging his ego, almost?
For comparison, I have given him head more times than I can count, and always do it until he finishes. Even though it doesn’t bring me directly any pleasure, I enjoy knowing he enjoys it, knowing he finds me attractive. So why doesn’t he feel the same about pleasuring me?
At first when I asked him if he’d return the favour with his mouth, he said no. “A couple of my friends have done it and said they didn’t enjoy it, so I don’t want to try”.
Idk if I’m overreacting to this statement, but wtf??
Why are your friends the ones who influence whether you pleasure your girlfriend or not? It just seems childish and unreasonable to me.
I didn’t really ask him about it much after that, but randomly one time he insinuated he wanted to try, and another time, eventually, he did.
I genuinely enjoyed it -all 2 minutes and a bit of it, until he stopped- and maybe I just wasn’t vocal enough about liking it, but he’s never done it since. He didn’t make me finish, even though he could’ve, if he hadn’t moved on to his own pleasure.
I asked him if he’d do it again, he said he would. But any time I’ve asked he hasn’t wanted to.
It’s like he did it once just to say he’d done it, so I could no longer say he’d never returned the favour.
And yes, I have spoken to him about this many times.
I’ve told him it’s unfair, and his responses have been alone the lines of;
“I’ve tried to do things for you but I just get sleepy” &
“My mindset changes when I finish and I sort of forget about you”.
Both of which are equally as frustrating as they are stupid, as he’ll never know how it feels to put so much effort into making your partner enjoy themselves, to get nothing in return.
Other than this, he is an amazing boyfriend. He gives me flowers and kisses and is very nice, to put it simply. But this is playing on my mind so much. I don’t understand why he’d not want to make the sexual stuff equally as enjoyable for both of us?
Ive talked to him, multiple times, about it all.
In the moment I’ve tried to guide him to it.
Ive given him so much, sexually and otherwise.
I’m really stuck on what to do, if this is even a big deal or I’m just being dramatic?