So this is gonna take a lot of courage and I hope I don’t regret it but I kinda need advice or at least an opinion from people who don’t know me personally.
Since my (life) story would be too long I’ll shorten it up:
I never dated any men in my entire life. I maybe flirtet a few times but never lead to something serious. I always knew what I wanted in life and I know that I am not a girl to play with.
I don’t drink, smoke or party. It’s just not my vibe. I studied and have a good major at a very young age and I also think I’m beautiful.
I gained a bit of weight but tbh I wasn’t even dating anyone when I was skinnier so idk if that really is the reason?
So I tried online dating a few months ago but it really wasn’t anything for me.
As soon as I started talking to most of the men on the apps I just saw how weird and disgusting they were. I know in a world full of h00k ups and situationships it’s „weird“ if you have standards and carry yourself with elegance but I’ve always been like that. I always had my standards and I would never lower them down.
But it was not only the guys I’m going to be honest. Whenever I had a good chat with someone and they wanted to see me, I got scared and said that I had no time etc. idk I’m confident but something inside me is still scared that they will maybe think I’m „too big“ (I’m max 10kg overweight from my actual weight)
I sometimes don’t know why I am still single.
Like I know I deserve the best, I am a high value woman and I genuinely can say that I carried my heart always in the right place.
So I don’t know why nobodies interested in me? My friends say that maybe it is because men are intimidated by me and I have so high standards but I don’t know..
All my life I’ve been taking care of my family and pushed away my own childhood and teen years. So I really didn’t learn how to engage with men, how to go on dates and how to „act“ if someone is interested in me, because I always think they are lying and dont think I’m gorgeous.
I don’t understand myself either. I am extremely confident but I’m also not at all. I had an ED when I was younger so maybe that’s the reason weight is triggering my brain sm, but since no men irl shows interest in me besides smiling or whatever I’m starting to get sad.
Does anybody have similar experiences? Or can you give me genuine tips?
I had a lot of healing to do from my past so I really am ready to receive the love I deserve. I want to have my own family so bad. (If I wrote something wrong don’t mind it pls I’m not from the states)
2 comments
I say this with love. Girl you are over working, over thinking. Remove your anxiety a bit and your a catch.
I meet my now wife off of tinder. We Brag about a
Bit too. Never been look down on for it
I dated a girl let’s call her rose. Skinny little thing, cute and a drag to be around.
I dated Cat, she was bigger,l girl and she rocked it. She was also fun and enjoyable to be around.
Don’t worry so much.
Ah yep, I’ve heard the “you’re intimidating” from my friends before, too. I’ve felt the confidence of having standards, keeping my chin high and believing what I see in the mirror is attractive. I’ve heard the compliments and disregarded them despite my confidence.
And you know what? That confidence I thought I had was truly just a massive ego. I walked around thinking I’m better than those who smoke, drink, party and that I have such standards for men that other women should have. I might not have thought those thoughts directly, but I know now subconsciously that’s what I believed. Because I was a hard worker who did not falter on my beliefs and I believed I was the biggest catch around.
No. That was my ego, that was me trying to be the absolute best when it didn’t matter at all. Now, I’m trying to be more humble and accepting people as they are instead of craving that imaginary person I conjured. Actually, right now, I am somehow going out with a man I didn’t believe existed in this day and age.
And you know what you do when someone likes you and you like them? Be yourself. Be humble about it. But you’re robbing yourself of experiences you want by overthinking and putting too much pressure on yourself. Odds are the first person you date won’t be the last. Most likely, you’ll go on many dates before you find someone that will want to invest equally into the relationship as you do. And there is nothing wrong with that.
The mindset about dating is huge. Instead of planning a date with the intention of gaining someone to like you, go with the desire to learn more about that other person and learn about yourself in the process. They don’t have to check off every box on your list but it is important to know what is acceptable for yourself and how you want to treat others. My checklist used to be huge and it may still be, but it’s an ever evolving list based off of my personal experiences and how I’ve grown throughout dating.
Anxiety is a true SOB. Girl, I feel you, I hear you, and I know how toxic your thoughts must be. Just know that you aren’t alone and that you aren’t helpless/hopeless. Have fun being single and going out on dates. Enjoy yourself and learn more about yourself.