For context me (16f) and my boyfriend (16m) have been together 2 months so not that long. Not sure if it’s important but we met as he is friends with my friends boyfriend.
Just to put it out there I am not slating my boyfriend as I absolutely adore him and he means everything to me. I’m asking for advice on how to communicate with him when he says something that upsets me as I’ve never had a relationship before and neither has him.
He first made a comment about my weight when we had been together 2 weeks, I picked him up as a joke and he then picked me up and said “geez how much do you weigh” “you weigh more than me”. This hurt me as I’ve struggled with bad body image and disordered eating since I was 12 years old – not to go too much into it but I lost a lot of weight, began fainting, exercised too much but was never given any support for it.
When he said this I just laughed it off as I didn’t want to cause any drama and said something along the lines of “yeah I’m a fatty.” I went quite for a bit and he asked me if he’d upset me and I just said I’m sensitive over comments over my body and told him a little bit about my problems with eating. I didn’t want to go to deep into all my problems this early in the relationship.
He then said “it’s okay I like chubby girls.” I think he meant well with this comment but it honestly made me feel a lot worse. I know from my friend that he never spoke to girls in secondary school so I’m thinking he’s unsure on how to speak to girls.
After this incident I moved on as I thought he understood that I am very insecure about my body and appearance.
However, a week ago he made another comment that caused me to cry infront of him. My boyfriend is quite muscular and goes to the gym quite regularly. I decided to join the gym again after a while of not going as I want to lose weight and improve my confidence.
This was my first time in a gym for about a year so I was feeling already overwhelmed and self conscious. Everything was going well until I used the pull down machine (not 100% sure on the name) where you adjust the bar that goes across your legs to stop you from raising. I finished my go and then my boyfriend went to use it and said “wow you’ve got bigger thighs than me” and I just broke down crying because I really hate my body and he said “it’s a good thing don’t worry”
I went to the gym toilet and cried because of the hatred I have for myself and when I came out he apologised and I said “It’s okay I’m just sensitive.“
He has apologised since then but can’t help thinking he deserves better than a ugly fat girl like me. I really don’t know what to do because I know boys don’t like insecure girls.
TL;DR : boyfriend keeps making negative comments on my body and I don’t know how to tell him it’s upsetting me.