So, I am 30/f in the PNW.
I used to be very codependent, with issues in ptsd, depression, anxiety, and ADHD and hated being alone.
But I went to a lot of therapy and now I LOVE being alone. To the point other people annoy me and if I didn’t choose to be around them, I feel like my space is being stepped on. I am massively private- I don’t like my actions being observed, commented on, questioned, or noticed. Because of this, if I feel watched and observed, I will not do ANYTHING.
For example, I work 4 10s. I have a roommate who used to work a totally opposite schedule than me but now he has my same 3 days off. I am going crazy. He’s a nice person who means well, but he’s kind of nosy, and I feel like I am wasting all of my free time avoiding him, but if I were alone, I’d be super active with my dog, working out and dancing in the living room, cooking meals, making arts n crafts, and cleaning like I do when he isn’t around.
I also just got rid of a 2nd roommate who worked the same schedule as me and he literally never left, spent 100% of his free time on the couch drinking (and I am sober). Having these people in my house who are all up in my business and never leaving common spaces free for my use makes me hide in my room a lot and be a vegetable because I don’t want to have my behavior be watched and questioned, so I make it unwatchable.
I own my home, they’re tenants, so I could technically ask them to move and live alone but seems weird to live in a 3 bedroom house alone and it’s financially easier to have a roommate.
I have really high standards for being considerate of others and minding my own business that don’t seem to be shared. (Can you please put my things you use without permission back where you found them? I didn’t ask for company, can you please leave and not plop down next to me just to fall asleep and snore through my show? Why is there moldy food in my fridge? Scoot over and use 1 parking spot not 2 please? I don’t give you a line of questioning every time you leave the house, why do I have to share my every move?)
How do I reconcile this? Can I get over my hatred of doing things with an audience? Is the best course of action to live alone and eat the extra costs?
I also worry about being a single woman living alone in a bad neighborhood but I do have a dog that is protective.
I don’t necessarily want to be a hermit but it sure sounds appealing and I think I would be so productive and healthy without watchful eyes bothering me.
Can anyone relate? How do you cope with being a private person in a world where most people love being seen, can’t avoid being seen, and think other people like being seen?
Am I just a frigid bitch? I don’t want to be mean to well-meaning people but I don’t know how to tell someone I live with that enjoys my company that I don’t want to talk or hang out, just want to be left alone and it’s not personal :/
I do have friends and go out to live music a lot and enjoy socializing when I choose to, and I’m also medicated & in therapy for mental health issues.
Please advise.