Husband works as first responder, he works 24 on 48 off. I work a full 40 hour workweek. Right now we are both barely making it on what we’re making. I’m looking for different jobs with better pay but husband isn’t. He also knows when we have kids one day I would love to be a sahm and honestly never saw myself as a working mother. But he makes so little right now I don’t see that happening. He keeps saying maybe he’ll get a raise or maybe he’ll find something part time that will cover everything. I just feel helpless and don’t know what to do. He says he found his dream job and loves what he does. Should I be upset at the fact that it barely pays anything and has bad benefits? When he talks about how much he loves it and I talk about what I want to do one day and how much I would love that he acts like he doesn’t know if that will happen or not. I feel like he loves being a firefighter more than making me happy. Thinking about the future of having kids now fills me with dread instead of feeling exciting anymore. What’s so bad is he said that’s what he wanted when we got married to and he didn’t want me to have to worry about the money part. But now he’s happy with making so little pay and only having to work 3 days a week. I feel like a jerk because Id honestly rather him do something else because it pays so little and benefits are so bad. My insurance at my work is so bad and if I went on his it would be even worse. Am I horrible for not liking my husbands job?
11 comments
How are you barely making it by on two adult incomes with no kids? How much does he make?
Your husband deserves to have a life that makes him happy. Being a firefighter makes him happy.
You deserve to have a life that makes YOU happy, too. You want to be a stay at home mom.
Those desires for lifestyle are incompatible right now.
So you have to decide: Are you willing to give up staying home to stay with your spouse? Or are you no longer compatible with your husband?
What do you mean by “first responder”? That could be multiple titles.
You are not horrible for not liking your husband’s job, but I do think you need a reality check. Being a sahm is a luxury few are able to enjoy anymore.
Your husband has found a career he loves. That is so rare! And you want him to give it up for something that pays better. Well, I’m not sure of his educational background, but I am guessing him finding a job that will be well-paying enough for you to be a sahm is unlikely.
Keep in mind, he “only” works 3 days a week, but works 72h in that week. And that is 72h of a high stress occupation that he obviously enjoys.
Was he a fireman when you got married? If so then you accepted this when you married him. Also he could pick up something on the side on his off days. Many firemen do, like hvac, electrician, or law businesses. Still won’t make enough for you to be a sahm, but it’s something to help with extra cash.
Maybe he needs to do it in a department that pays better? I have firefighter friends pulling in six-figures and their wives are able to be SAHM’s.
I’m pretty sure firefighters get good benefits the longer they’re on the job.
Suggest to him if he likes what he’s doing that he should try to get a promotion of some sort soon.
I have my wife as a SAHM, you need around 100k to make it paycheck to paycheck with kiddos, that is an incredibly tall ask of someone who is already happy in their career.
also almost every firefighter I know And is in my family is making pretty decent money after a few years, is this not something you can stick out?
Imo it’s a little offensive that you hate your husbands because of the listed reasons.
If he wants to have kids, he needs to find a job that gives more days, has health insurance, better benefits, room for advance, etc.
It would be nice if we could all work at a job that we found fulfilling, but most of us need to get paid more than we need to have fun.
You married a Firefighter and now want him to do something else. You married into this situation. Firefighting is a calling for many. Why didn’t you marry a lawyer or doctor? Why don’t YOU get a better paying job?