When you’re unattractive, you’re automatically in a bad situation. People look at you with a defensive attitude like you have bad intentions. You can rarely be accepted in social groups even when you try your best to be friendly, confident, and smiling, it’s not enough to make friends because they’re judging you already and they do their best to avoid you to make it clear no one is interested in you. Then you feel lonely and unwanted, depression kicks in and after multiple experiences where no one seems to pay any attention to you, you feel forgotten. You feel like you don’t belong in the world, and are unworthy of friends because after all people just don’t like you. Attractive people on the other hand are glamorized, loved and people actually want to form a connection with them. Attractive people should be grateful they feel like they’re a real human unlike the other ones who are viewed as the bad ones to steer clear from. Attractive people have no idea what hell feels like because they’ve avoided it all their life, they don’t have a clue what it feels like to constantly be rejected, to be shown there’s no hope, they’ve never experienced any of that shit, it’s a cake walk for attractive people.
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Any unattractive person can work on themselves to “be more attractive”. They aren’t judgeing you as much as you think, only as much as you judge others.
I’ve never experienced someone that was genuienly soo unattractive that not even manners, friendlieness, basic hygiene and being put together was helping.
Being unattractive isn’t only physical but also a personallity “trait”.
You’ve chosen a lens to view your life through – “I’m unattractive”. This is no different to short people thinking the world is awful because they’re not tall or men/women thinking that the world is easier for the other sex. Try and see life through a different lens, don’t lean so heavily on others’ opinions of you and ask yourself what you can do to make yourself more attractive.
I’ve been told my entire life I’m not drop dead sexy but I’m above average looking, and I’ve seen many, MANY conventionally unattractive people way more successful than myself occupationally and socially.
I feel it’s a godsend. I went from average to unattractive due to weight gain and now I don’t have to deal with the whole gender nonsense. I can be friends with whoever I want without risking it getting weird, I can be freely myself without fear that it would attract unwanted sexual advances… If it wouldn’t actually be bad for health, I’d be recommending it left and right. It’s so freeing not to be seen as just a body.
I don’t care what people look like but This negative pity-party vibe going on is NOT IT.
I couldn’t disagree more.
This is a story you’ve sold yourself.
Your self-talk and self-confidence, ultimately how YOU see you- is how the world will see you too.
I believe this firmly and have taught it to all my kids.
Like this is just skin and bones and it doesn’t mean much! Dig deeper and love yourself. Then others will love you too. Would you call anyone you loved “unattractive?” No, because that’s not loving- and it’s same with yourself. You should have self-talk that is the kindest, most loving friend you could find.
It starts with YOU my friend.
You need to find you attractive and lovable.
Also, I highly suggest…
Reading:
The Secret
Life Loves You
The Art of Small Talk
Watching:
I Feel Pretty
don’t get it twisted, I am considered “attractive” and am incredibly lonely and have no friends. might as well just walk around in a body bag.
it’s definitely true that fitting beauty standards is a privilege (halo effect) but there’s a lot you can do to seem more likeable. People consider your body language, they way you dress, and just how you talk. Having a negative mindset can often be reflected in your body language which turns people off. Physical appearance isn’t the only factor people judge and its only when they first meet you. Try smiling more, learning to dress in a way that makes you feel like yourself and flatters you, and don’t be negative when you talk. I wish we lived in the world where this stuff didn’t matter but that’s not the case so we got to make do with it.
but don’t lose yourself trying to be likeable. Living a life trying to please others and fit in is no happier than one where no one likes you. It’s kind of a grey area but try to be proactive in fixing your problems, but don’t go to far in the other direction if you get what I mean.
Well…that’s just *your* truth.🤷🏻♀️
So, hope your truth may change in the future.
Being attractive only goes so far if you can’t socialize properly, especially due to social anxiety. People you’re around regularly just end up thinking you don’t like them or are an asshole, even if they were attracted at first. This leads to depression and when others look at you, you feel like shit because you know it doesn’t matter what you look like when you are scared shitless of everyone.
Coming from a guy who used to be extremely unattractive by most peoples standards and now is viewed as the opposite –
Everybody has the potential to be at least a 7. And 7s often end up dating 8s-9s.
But it’s gonna take work, for me personally it took ~4 years from the point I decided I wanted to change to understanding hair care, body care, fashion and social norms as well as anyone else.
This seems to be an example of projecting insecurities onto others. Sometimes it’s not them. Sometimes it’s you. I only know this from my own personal experiences. I’m not trying to be cold, but speak what I have personally learned in my life.
Normies will never know the struggle
i feel this so much right now 😔
I have friends that are not considered attractive in the societal lens but are my best friends and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I believe the people that “reject” you are doing you a favor, those people are shallow and wouldn’t give you the love a true friend would.
Attractive or not nothing is a cake walk.
Halo effect and Horn effect are real, but for most people who don’t get a good reception from other people it’s because they are projecting a bad vibe from themselves, which is basically the subtle body language that subconsciously manifests when someone is not happy and comfortable in their own skin. Most people intrinsically avoid uncomfortable situations, so when someone with a bad vibe makes them uncomfortable they avoid said person.
Solution is basically to be accepting of yourself and comfortable in your own skin.
90% of this comment section lives in a fantasy world where they refuse to admit the amount of struggle a unattractive person goes through vs the easy mode attractive people go through. Op ignore the stupid people trying to downplay the difficulties you’re going through.
All I can really say is try to find people who have very high EQ and are able to realize the subconscious bias we naturally have.
You need people who appreciate, hang out, and love you. This may mean ALOT of searching and work but it’s possible. Yes the whole “oh just be confident” can help slightly, but at the end of the day know that you gotta do x3 the work of a attractive person. Don’t give up, and don’t let these clowns invalidate your life experiences
If you are unattractive you have to be pretty exceptional to be successful. I have isolated myself a lot for the last few decades. I gave up. I wish I could die in my sleep because I have no place in this world.
That’s the thing, as much as people want to ignore it, to succeed in life you need looks ( above average for a male, and average for a female) and social skills. If you’re lacking in one of those, then the other has to work to almost unrealistic levels. You can mine max both of these, you can get to at least average looks, but that takes a lot of work, same with social skills, you can get to workable social skills. These are both just good passive traits to have that will only improve you life.
If you’re attractive you already have intrinsic value in the eyes of others, that with atleast workable social skill and your fucking set, then you dont need to rely on what you can bring to the table economically or whatever to the other party, they’ll want to impress you.
There’s really no point in trying if you aren’t attractive tbh
I do think there are significant advantages for attractive people when it comes to dating because most average people get rejected right before the conversations even begin, whether it’s online or in person, speaking from experience. But other than that, I don’t know.
I am currently also really ugly, plain and simple. But if i fix my weight and take pills for my acne I think i can salvage myself into a 5-6 easily. So you bet your ass that’s what i am doing right now. I currently am 120kg and I won’t stop until i am 80kg, in pounds i think that is like 270 to like 175. After that i am going to buy fancy clothes that fit me and start my acne cure. If all that doesn’t make me attractive then i just have shit genes
You’re not wrong. Attractive people do have an advantage. But there are ways you can make yourself look better. Get a haircut that suits you, get some well fitting clothes, look at yourself in the mirror and think “what are my flaws and how can I improve them?” Do you wear glasses? Get some better looking frames or try contacts out. Also try not to be so negative.
Whenever your super negative it shows in your face and people notice. People can feel your bad vibe and don’t want to be around you. Even if you try to fake smile people can sense you don’t mean it.
Do stuff that makes you genuinely happy and people will gravitate toward your warmth.
Although this is mostly true. The negative mindset is even more unattractive imo. Us less attractive people need to learn how to jailbreak our mind in order to increase confidence.
Source: I have a genetic disease which wastes my muscles around my body. Have gone from a 7 to a 4 over the last few years.
This is all true
Things I know go different for other ppl but for me personally, I came to realization recently. For years I’ve been depressed. Never really went out, hated the way I looked, just hated everything about me really. I always saw ppl turn away and it made everything worse as we all know.
Recently I’ve somehow got this new found confidence and started going out more, started trying to not give a damn what anyone thought, started just trying to think better of myself whether I actual for or not. Bought new clothes which I haven’t done in a year. Now when I go out, I get some more compliments, I feel like ppl don’t always look away as much, most of the stuff that was an issue before kinda just flipped.
But I came to realize that it isn’t necessarily me bettering myself that’s got ppl looking, it’s that I was so depressed before that I only could pay attention to those who looked away and never noticed the ones who were (potentially) paying attention.
Point here is, and it’s obviously easier said than done but, once you start thinking a bit more optimistic and try being better(not saying you’re not trying), you notice a lot more good than bad and it helps out a lot. Im hoping what I said made sense cuz it’s hard for me to tell right now
If you consider yourself to be an “unattractive” woman, what’s it like? Do men look at you? If you walk into a store are you ignored? Is it more being ignored, or actually being treated badly? Sorry if this is your experience.
Everyone turns unattractive eventually
Tons of ugly people are accepted just fine. Improve yourself.
I was a (short, younger, female) restaurant manager… the female “conventionally-attractive” servers usually got treated similarly to their peers. Tbh my best-treated employees by customers were always the taller 28-40yo white male servers… people often assumed they were the manager or just assumed they were doing a good job unless it was blatantly obvious that they were doing otherwise (aka they were drunk/high/incompetent). Attractiveness may occasionally contribute to respect, but default respect trumps attractiveness every time.
I have good hygene but everyone thinks im dirty and an “ugly rat” because i have crooked teeth and a deep bite. And my parents dont do jack shit.
One of my best friends was a very unattractive man with a very attractive personality. He was fat, and he was balding in his late 20s. However, the man had a magnetic personality and a great sense of humor. This naturally caused people and girls to gravitate towards him.
The problem is, just because girls would gravitate towards him did not mean they would ever date him or get into a relationship with him. He confided this to me many times and said it made him consider suicide. I felt really awful for him and it was sad to have such a front row seat to such misery.
On the other hand, I was a moderately attractive man. Girls would smile at me and show a lot of interest in me. I had countless opportunities with so many girls that it makes my head spin just thinking back on it.
The problem is, just because girls would show interest, did not mean that it would ever go anywhere. In fact, the longer they knew me the more their interest would deteriorate. I have a shit personality. I’m introverted, argumentative, opinionated, and worst of all: I have no idea how to talk to girls. They make me nervous to be honest, and I struggle to be myself.
Together, the two of us could have made an ideal man. Perhaps this is why we were such great friends. We gravitated towards each other because we were both lacking what the other had. Both of us suffered a life of endless loneliness due to serious flaws that we could not overcome.
I suppose I’m telling you this because looks ultimately don’t mean shit either. You need a good combination of both factors, or you will just suffer.
Wow I felt this in my soul. I hate being ugly 🙁
Now imagine being physically attractive and still feeling/being treated the exact same way.
In school i knew plenty of “unattractive” or “ugly ” people that were popular or had plenty of friends. I had too much trauma to have friends. People could tell i was off. Don’t let this be an excuse or crutch to just throw in the towel. Also, its overrated. Come to terms within yourself and live life you want to live regardless of who is your friend beside you.
True ,true and that’s why video games were invented like minecraft or cod black ops 2 , immediately drowning the depression
Trying to be something you’re not is often more unattractive than looks can be. People feel that at least subconsciously. Maybe you have to start there, nobody can love you until you love yourself.
No truer words have been spoken.
You really don’t want to turn this into a self fulfilling prophecy. Feeling bad about yourself and jealous of other people’s fortune can absolutely give ppl negative vibes.
I practice looking in the mirror all the time when I’m in different moods and take note of how much more attractive I feel/look, and it’s crazy how much a face can change depending on mood or mental state.
Don’t let this stress you out more or put more pressure on you tho, just try to focus on what you enjoy and what you’re grateful that you *do* have, whether internally or externally.
Whenever I catch myself feeling self conscious about myself or worried about how I look or how others perceive me, I remind myself to just focus on being a good person and that will usually be attractive enough for most people to want to connect with. And if they’re the type to judge you for your looks, fuck em anyways.
All of this is very much easier said than done, and it’s definitely a tougher world to live in for us less externally attractive people, but the more you stress on it, the less attractive you will look/seem. Only focus on growing as a person internally, and everything else will often work itself out. There are SO many other things about a person that can be attractive besides looks.