I (22, M) have been dating a girl (20, F) for nearly 2 years and we’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a little over 9 months. Before this phase, we were together, but I had to move to another country for my graduate studies. I’m currently in the United States, while she’s in India.
*And things are getting out of hand.*
Last semester (Aug-Dec 2023) was perhaps one of the most mentally exhausting phases of my life, and I hate to admit that it was because of this relationship. For some context, my girlfriend is currently going through a difficult period in her life – she’s been diagnosed with clinical depression and is currently on meds. However, throughout the last semester, she has expressed a huge dislike for my going out, spending time with friends, and in general, socializing. She believes that I can’t support her if I’m out all day with friends, and I agree. Now, I used to go out, maybe once or at max twice a week. And after she told me this, I reduced it to once every two weeks. I’ve cancelled several plans with friends so that I can be there for her when she needs me. And yet, this problem persists.
Her insecurity is something that concerns me as well. Over the last semester, she has become fixated with a female friend of mine with whom, I admit, I’ve spent a good amount of time. But my time with her was never me and her alone, it has always been in a big group of friends – with everyone around. I understand that a certain level of insecurity is natural in a long-distance relationship, but it got to the point where my girlfriend literally messaged my female friend, after we had shared a mere one-second embrace when she was going on vacation.
Apart from these things, the fact that she has to resort to insults to present her point is also something that concerns me. Despite having numerous arguments, I have never resorted to humiliation or being mean – respect is something I value highly.
Over the past few months, I’ve constantly received messages such as:
“Stop thinking about yourself all the f\*cking time”
“You will talk to me for 2 hours every day and I don’t care whether you sleep or not”
“You’re a p\*ssy”
“I’ve never learnt anything important from you”
“Your peanut-sized EQ won’t understand what I’m trying to say”
“The reality is that all you have to offer are good manners, and nothing else”
“I’m just letting you know that at this point, you’re replaceable”
I’ve gotten so used to such messages that these days, I’m just numb.
I feel I am at a crossroads and I would love your opinion on whether I should stay in this relationship. I love her, but just how much is too much and when does it cross a line? Finally, would I be wrong in considering breaking up with someone who’s going through depression?
I would love your honest opinions, experiences, and insights.
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TL;DR – Girlfriend (going through depression) continues to be insecure, dislikes me going out and spending time with friends (even once every two weeks), and sticks to insults and humiliation during arguments. How much is too much and should I end it?