early in March of 2023, my (33/F) partner (33/F) of nine years cheated on and dumped me. we’d been friends for six years before we even started dating. as you can imagine, this devastated me. it was like losing a limb. on top of this, I had been laid off for the second time in two years that January, and was not doing very well.
months before leaving me, she’d been making a lot of “friends” on Bumble BFF, and one of these friends had a mutual buddy that I really hit it off with. she’d recently moved back to my city after separating (but not legally divorcing) her wife of three years. we clicked instantaneously, to the point where I backed off speaking with her because I felt romantic feelings could brew.
flash forward to May, and this new woman and I began seeing each other. we went on weekly dates, talked for hours each day, slept over each other’s places, etc. since June, she’s slept here at least five nights a week, every week. she has drawers in my dresser, a shelf in my closet, her own space in my pantry and fridge. I treat her like a princess. we’re inseparable.
however, she is still married. and she still loves her wife, according to the recent bombshell she just dropped on me. I thought it was strange that she didn’t want to label our relationship, and now I think I know why. I accused her of using me as a stand-in, and she adamantly denied it. they still text and talk to each other on the phone, another thing I’m just learning. she dares to lose her mind when other women show interest in me, all the while still loving her estranged wife. she claimed they hadn’t officially gone through with the divorce because it was difficult to do from across the country, and I feel like such an idiot for believing her. I just thought her seeing what my ex did to me first-hand would keep her from hurting me, too.
I love her, but I can’t take being fucked over like this. part of me wants to cut her out of my life and never look at another woman again. the other part just wants to cry. if you were in my position, what would you do? should I continue on business as usual? do I tell her she needs to get a divorce before we move any further?
x-posted in r/relationship_advice