OK, so I (26M) started trying to date again near the end of last year, after years of being out of the game. So far, I’ve tried my luck with two women. For starters–and this was dumb of me–I tried to chat up a woman from my job. She was barely taller than me (an inch and a half), light-skinned black and kind of acted like a guy, had dreads, and she worked security. I got her number and we chatted for a while until she let it slip that she likes girls. So she was a lesbian. And not gonna lie, her tomboyish personality was making my heartbeat sound like a New York drill rap beat. We’re still cool, though.
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Some time last December, I met this Latina online, and oh, was I feeling her. She was very much in touch with her masculine side like the gal from my job. She liked anime and horror, and she was built like a kodiak bear. She had a soft tubby belly, but her arms and legs were actually muscular. She was a strongfat gym rat. While we both find each other attractive physically, she only likes me platonically; Said so herself. Plus, I found out at one point she had an OF account.
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What I honestly liked about both of them was that they were masculine, at least in terms of personality. They were tomboys, and they didn’t really have much of a feminine side; they were unfeminine. Of course, I’m gonna keep going at it. The thing with me, though, is…well, my type is women who are strong and masculine in some way. By “masculine in some way”, I mostly mean tomboys, and women who are leaders, brave, heroic, protective of others, willing to hunt or engage in violence, and even being stoic. As a man, I’ve pretty much got none of these traits.
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By contrast, femininity and feminine traits either do nothing either way or are outright a turn-off. I need strength and masculine energy (would you believe I’m straight?). And despite wanting to “be the girl”–AKA, play a supportive and feminine role in the relationship–I would actually like to do some more male-dominated activities with my SO. Playing airsoft, learning martial arts (I thought of learning Kendo at one point), working out). Half of the time I want to do that, but the other half, I’d rather be a doting boywife for my bad*ss girlhubby.
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Honestly, is this need for male energy and traits in a partner (and lack of attraction to feminine energy) potentially a sign of deeper issues if you’re a guy? I’ve been getting that feeling recently. Is it weird, or am I just overthinking it? Also, do you have any good advice for my dating goals regardless?