I’ve been in a relationship with “Daniel” for 9 months, and he is wonderful, kind, funny and handsome. We are really in love and I can really project in the future with him. All was going well until these last weeks..
Daniel was previously in a relationship with “Anna”. They met at the university and were together for 2 years. I met Daniel few months after the breakup. We talked a bit about our previous relationships at the beginning of ours, he said Anna was his first relationship, that he had good memories with her but it ended poorly but amicably. He was a bit vague about the reasons of the breakup saying that they weren’t compatible or that they weren’t meant to be. At that point, I didn’t look any further.
One month ago, we bumped into her at the mall, she greeted Daniel and he introduced me as his gf. To be fair, she was quite friendly, she said we looked cute together and even complimented my outfit. She talked with us for about 2 minutes and even engaged with me a bit about trivialties. At first, I believed she was just an acquaintance from his university, it was only towards the end that I had the impression of detecting a hint of sadness in her eyes and smile. After she left, Daniel clarified that she was indeed his ex girlfriend, I was a bit perplexed by that interaction, but he said that they stayed in good terms and that Anna is just a friendly person in general. They have classes together at the university so they often bump into each other and chat a bit and that’s all. It seems like a non issue to Daniel but I was a bit concerned.
Afterwards, I searched and found Anna’s instagram and was very surprised to see that Daniel has liked all her posts even the recent ones when we were already in a relationship, and she liked all her pics too. I was very angry and immediately went to confront Daniel about that. He tried to calm the situation, he explained that he likes almost everything his followers post on Instagram (he gave me his phone and I have to admit this is true, he just likes everything he follows), he said he didn’t think it would be problematic, he apolgized for and promised that he won’t like her future posts.
Few days later, I was still feeling off about that Anna situation so I asked him some questions about his relationship with her, like how often they chat in the university, if they have projects together, at first he was fine with these questions but then he got a bit annoyed. He said that they just say hello when they see each other at the uni, that’s all. They don’t send each other messages or hanging out, they’re just cordial and he doesn’t understand all that fixation on her suddenly. I reply that it seems odd to be that friendly with an ex and that all my ex Bfs are blocked and I have no interaction with them. He said that each relationship is different and that he respect Anna and even if they broke up, so he will stay cordial with her. I tried to ask him more about the reason of their separations but he just said that they weren’t compatible, and that he won’t go into details because some things concern only him and her. I was upset curious about all these mysteries, given their cordial relationship, I don’t think it is about cheating but I have a weird feeling about this situation
I was not very happy with that but I kind of let it go until this weekend, it was his birthday. Yesterday morning, he was sleeping and I was using his phone when he recieved a notification « Anna liked this message ». I was curious so I checked his messages. Here is how the conversation went :
\- A very happy birthday to you Dan ! Hope you’re doing well and celebrate it well !
\- Thank you very much, I’m doing fine, glad to have finished all those exams, and you ?
\- Yeah same, happy to enjoy some rest now:)
\- Glad to hear it 🙂
I checked for previous messages and their previous conversation were just when Dan wished her happy birthday in March last year, since the beginning of our relationship, there has been no small talk or conversation between them There were no other suspect messages, just other happy birthday from his friends or classmates from uni
I was very unhappy, I broke down in tears, woke up Daniel and blew up on him. He said that it was just a happy birthday message, he was also angry that I invaded his privacy just like that. He said that he doesn’t understand why I am so interested with Anna, she belongs to his past, he is with me and only wants to be with me. I said that if that’s the case, he should prove his commitment and block her. He said it’s nonsense, that he has no reason to antagonize her just to please me. We had a huge argument, he called me insecure and I accused him of trying to keep his ex under wraps. He said, he needs some space and left, I sent him some messages but he just said he needs some time to reflect about this situation.
I don’t know what to do, I feel like he doesn’t want to understand my unease, I love him and wants to be with him but I just can’t stand for this. I talked about this to my friends, some say that I am right and I should stick to my guns but others say that I am dooming my relationship for no reason
TDLR : BF was previously in a 2 year relationship. I feel like it is inappropriate to keep a parasocial relationship with his ex. We had an argument about his ex wishing him his birthday. I asked him to block his ex, he doesn’t want to. How can I make him understand my point ?