Let’s say, hypothetically, I ask someone out and we go on a date. When the bill comes, who should pay? The guy or the girl? Should they split? Is the man required to pay?

23 comments

  1. Traditionally, whoever issues the invitation pays. Gender is irrelevant.

  2. Whomever invited the other – is technically expected to pay. Now…this isn’t the hard/fast rule anymore as each paying their own way seems to be acceptable also. BUT (and this is the kind and respectful way to handle it): if both are expected to pay for their own, that expectation should be set before the date!!! You don’t want to ask someone out…then surprise them at the end of the nite with a bill. Communicate that you prefer that the date be “dutch”…

  3. If we talk about tradition, in a girl-guy situation, the man used to pay for the first date. If this isn’t your situation, or you don’t want to go fully traditional, it’s mostly expected that the person who made the invitation pays.

    As a general rule, if I have been asked on a date (as a girl), I usually pay for my part, but if the guy says he is going to pay, I don’t mind (I just take it into consideration for the next dates, so I can return the favor).

  5. Go on a date that doesn’t cost much. That takes the pressure off both parties. If the date goes well, bring up a second date and give the other person a general idea of how much it would cost them. Say something like ‘The movie costs around $16, would that be ok with you?’

  6. If you want just the unwritten societal norm, then yeah, since the man is usually the one who asks out the girl and he is also usually the one who makes more money, then he usually pays. It’s a kind gesture, and it lets the woman know that the man is willing to do nice things for her. Also, unfortunately, another unwritten rule is that if someone suggests separate checks on a first date, then that means they don’t want a second date. There are many exceptions but the thing is, if you’re a man and you suggest separate checks then the woman WILL think you’re not into her.

    If you’re in high school, it’s normal to split the check. Or if you’re in a relationship with someone already, the man doesn’t have to pay always lol.

  7. Personal experience: I’ve never paid for a first date , although I never ate on a first date because of anxiety . Usually the man orders me something anyways just to be courteous and to avoid being awkward because he’s eating , and I tell them I’m very grateful. I see it as gentlemanly but maybe it’s because I was raised that way .
    But things don’t have to be traditional , I always offer to split or pay for the whole thing. If you want to impress someone regardless of gender I suggest offering to pay for the whole thing .

    Now with my boyfriend after a million dates we always switch off because we’re both making money . Or if he’s making less I pay for multiple , if im making less he pays for multiple .

  11. I will be honest. If I like the girl and it was a fun, engaging date and I want to see her again, I ALWAYS offer to pay.

    If it was boring, like pulling teeth/poor conversation, and I know I never want to see the person again, I say “shall we split?”

  12. As a woman I always go and expect to pay half but if the man pays I’d always accept it, I see it as gentlemanly. I would then insist on buying drinks in the next pub or say I’d get the next bill what ever. Same as cinema if he buys the tickets I’d buy the food

  14. I (f27) pay only if I am not happy with the date and want to make clear the friendzone. So if I let him pay, it means there will be a second date. Why I let him pay? because I dont want a guy who thinks too much about a payment of a meal…

  15. For me OP, the person who asked should be the one to pay, AKA you, unless the other person offer to split the bill or they will pay for it.

  17. you, because you asked them. the person who asked the other out pays.

  18. Tbh in a man-woman scenario the guy paying on a first date is a sign of good will and interest. This is contrary to reddit opinion… pick an inexpensive first date so its nbd

  19. Okay so I’m a bisexual man, and I’m aware of the man-woman dynamic where the man always pays but I have personally let go of that idea completely. Because it’s honestly confusing, why would I treat people I date differently based on their gender? Anyway….

    I always make sure that if I plan the date, I can afford to pay for both of us. I will most likely offer that as well. If we’re on the date and the other person is really adamant about paying themselves or splitting, I’m fine with that. It’s just really important to me that I never have to rely on someone else or expect them to pay.

    If they organise the date and let me know what it is beforehand, I always make sure I can roughly estimate what it might cost and make sure I’m able to pay for myself. So I can always at least split. If they for example tell me they want to go to a really fancy restaurant and I know I’m a little tight on money, I will tell them beforehand, and offer a lower cost date idea. They usually either answer with that it’s okay, because they were planning to pay already or they accept the alternative date idea.

    Independence and communication is key! Except for that, do what you’re comfortable with 🙂

  20. Go on a hike or some other free activity for the first date, then you don’t have to worry about paying and you can see how y’all get along.

    Or, if you asked and you go somewhere that charges, then pay. You initiated it, so you pay. If they offer to split then accept if you want, but the initiator offers pay regardless of gender. I’ve asked dudes out and offered to pay, dudes have asked me out and almost always offered to pay. The exception to this is if you don’t enjoy the date and don’t plan on another one, the ask to split cause fuck it youre not going to see them again UNLESS *you* were a shitty date and then you should offer to pay since you asked, were a bad date, and are basically asking someone else to pay for having a bad time. That usually involves a level of self awareness that most people who are bad dates don’t have though.

  21. You, because you asked them out. Doesn’t matter who’s what gender.

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