Let me start off by saying that I love and trust my fiancé. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have had ups and downs like every relationship. One of the things that has cause some issues is she is the type that remains friends with a lot of people that most people wouldn’t (ex’s). She has been wonderful in listening to issues I have with anything and resolving them on her end and has gone to the ends of the earth to make sure I’m comfortable.
One week before our 2 year anniversary, the mother one of her ex’s posted on Facebook about her husband (ex’s father) passing away. She was close to his mom and dad and his mother asked her to come to the funeral and I had zero issue with that. When she went to the funeral a few days later she said she went back to his moms house for food and hung out for a while. She offered to the ex the usual “if there is anything you need” and he actually accepted and said he needed help moving his mother the next day. I expressed that I found that to be weird and she agreed but I trust her so she did help him. Maybe a week after that was our 2 year anniversary and she broke up with me for unrelated issues. That night she went to her grandmas house which is just 2 blocks away from where she helped them move and said that she was just walking around the town and then I found out she had been texting her ex all day every day, 300+ text messages, for that whole week. I also later found out that they were engaged at one point.
We ended up resolving the issues that caused us to break up for the day or 2, and we talked about the whole situation with the ex and how all that was in my head and worked everything out and got back together.
Not long after that we found out that she was pregnant and the time of conception lines up almost perfectly to the night we broke up and she was walking around town near her ex’s house that she had been texting for a week.
That thought just boiled in my insides for 2 months and finally insecurities got the best of me and I confronted her and told her I wanted a paternity test. I absolutely should have talked to her about it all when I first had those thoughts to try to work on the and resolve them before a paternity test was even mentioned but I can’t change the past now.
I’ve tried and tried to explain my reasoning to her and sometimes she says she understands it but other times she is ready to just leave me. I love her to death and have tried explaining to her that I trust her but that timing is too coincidental for my brain to not think those thoughts. I have seen way too many stories of happy couples where the man finds out their kid isn’t his and those stay floating around in my head. I’ve tried explaining that it is a fear that only men could have since she obviously would never question if a kid was hers so she could never fully understand it.
I have some trust issues that I need to get resolved anyway and have agreed to seek therapy for any issues I have but I’m having trouble explaining things to her.
How can I better explain how I’m feeling in this situation? Is there a way at all to save this?