I’ve been really struggling recently with making and keeping friends. Over the years I’ve cut people off because of toxicity, and I have 6 ‘friends’ left that are all separate and I only see them around 2/3 times a year. When I see those friends I always feel anxious beforehand and end up feeling drained. At work I feel paranoid that people have been bitching about me and that everyone thinks I’m a freak. I do recognise that when socialising I put on a front which is super agreeable and in line with all the good socialising signs, but I guess that’s not working, I’m not myself and it’s not gaining me any friends. Maybe I’m not likeable anymore. I dont know how to behave and be myself I dont know what ‘myself’ is anymore.