My fwb (a recent development to our friendship) admitted that early into our friendship, before we were really friends even, he had vaguely fantasized about me. I had asked if he had thought about me while getting off, and he said he hadn’t and that that would be taking things too far and disrespecting me.
I however admitted that I had thought about him while touching myself, before we had so much as kissed. When pressed, I embarrassingly outlined one of the specific kinky fantasies too.
He didn’t react poorly or anything, he said he was surprised that anyone would think of him in that way. But what he said about it “taking things too far” and being disrespectful before he knew I had done it got to me. I feel so embarrassed and creepy. I don’t want to pester him with asks for reassurance, but I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling really ashamed. I feel like I perverted our friendship by doing that when things were purely platonic between us. I feel so creepy for doing it, and for admitting to it. Is it morally wrong to think about people you know in real life while touching yourself? Maybe the fact that we ended up hooking up makes it less bad, because at least there’s some mutual attraction, but I didn’t know that at the time and I still did it.