My brother (M30) and I (F23) are close and always have been. We didn’t have the best childhood which made us really close. I love him but I’m having a hard time dealing with his views on women. I feel like I’m going to have to distance myself if I can’t get through to him.
My father (M66) was never a good example when it came to this. He is 12 years older than my mom (F53). They met when he hired her to work for him when she was 20. They got together very shortly after that (my dad helped her out of a rough financial situation too) and had my brother quickly. My parents have never gotten along and are constantly fighting. They are not affectionate towards each other at all (I can’t remember the last time I saw them kiss) and my father talks down to my mom a lot.
He is constantly checking out other women in front of my mom and really anyone else. My brother said he has always pointed out “hot girls” to him since he was little. It has always bothered my brother because they were always young. As a teenager he didn’t get why his dad was checking out the same girls he was and it obviously bothers him even more now that his dad is checking out underage and really young “legal age” girls. My father’s Instagram following is basically 75% hot, young girls barely dressed and it’s super embarrassing. It’s also sad because my mom is GORGEOUS, like easily the prettiest person in the room most of the time and looks 10+ years younger than she is, but it doesn’t matter.
I am not close with my father anymore because of all of this and don’t want it to happen with my brother too. The issue is, my brother shows a lot of the same signs. I was hoping he would grow out of it, but it doesn’t seem like he ever did.
First, he’s into younger girls. Like when he was a senior in college he was out dating 18-year-old high school seniors. He also has made comments now about how hot 19-year-olds are. For whatever reason, my father checking them out is “creepy” but not him? However, his few, actual girlfriends have all been within a couple of years of him though.
He has gotten a really unrealistic idea of sex from watching a TON of porn (like my dad) since he was like seven (my parents gave him his own computer at that age) and he thinks porn what sex should be like. My dad has always had a lot of “pinup” posters and calendars and got my brother some too when he was like 12. My brother always complains about sex in relationships after a while and told my friend who dated him to watch porn to help her get better at sex after they were in a relationship for six months. She also said he was constantly looking at hot girls on social media.
My brother has had an awful time in relationships and really struggles with them. He’s also said he’s constantly in a ‘grass is greener’ situation in relationships and doesn’t know why he can’t just let himself be happy. He’s genuinely heartbroken when things don’t work out and he’s lost some pretty great girls due to his issues. He’s told me he doesn’t feel like he’ll ever be in a good relationship and he doesn’t know what one looks like due to our parents.
I’ve tried to explain why these things are an issue to him, and he seems open to listen. However, I’m really not eloquent when trying to explain stuff and I feel like I don’t do a good job. To me, it’s no brainer why these things would be an issue. I’m asking for advice on how to explain this to him. I really want to sit him down and have serious conversation.
Also, I get it. Tbh, my brother is a jerk. I know this, but I love him and he was there for me through a rough childhood and since. If commenters could refrain from just fixating on this obvious fact I would greatly appreciate it.
Td:lr How can I (F23) show my brother (M30) he has a serious issue with how he views women before I just have to cut him off?