My partner and I have been together for about ten years, we’re in our early 30s, and prior to this we’d have sex around two or three times a month, which worked out well for us. About 9-14 months ago, I stopped being able to get hard during sex. I’m not entirely sure why, but it was a very stressful time in both of our lives for unrelated reasons. We both had a bit of a midlife crisis. I’d rather not go into detail, but neither of us cheated, and source of the stress wasn’t related to sexuality or anything related to sex. We have since moved on from those issues.
In our relationship there’s no HL and LL person; we both have waves of being HL and LL. Right now we are both LL, but I’m not sure how much of that is lack of confidence for both of us.
I’m always hard during foreplay (massaging her, fingering her, playing with riding crops and whatnot) but when I’m actually on top of her I can’t stay hard.
I can get semi-hard during masturbation, but it doesn’t last very long. Porn doesn’t really do anything for me unless it’s super specific scenes, so I don’t use it very often. I am on two medications that list stronger erections as a side effect (I’m not taking either of them for this issue, I have a lot of health problems and both were prescribed to me before this started happening). Viagra is not an option for me, but Cialis might be, I’d have to discuss it with a doctor.
I’ve told her I’m very open to using a strap-on or whatever the male equivalent is, but she’s probably a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey Scale and she’s not that into penises, so the phallus isn’t part of the problem, the problem is my apparent lack of arousal. I’m also open to doing other things in the bedroom and have offered many times, but a lot of the time she doesn’t want to if I can’t finish because she feels like I’m just doing it for her sake.
The result of all this is that we’ve had sex maybe five times in the past year. Maybe fewer. I don’t mind not finishing as long as she does, but she doesn’t want to do it unless we both finish.
We’ve also discussed nonmonogamy, which I’m also very open to, but I’d like to do it in addition to a healthy sex life, as opposed to trying to replace one. I’ve requested that we put all the nonmonogamy conversations on the back burner until we figure us out first.
Has anyone else here dealt with this issue and come up with a solution? I’m open to trying a lot of things.