We’ve been together 6 months and are open about our communication, I’m all for the body being a form of art but this just makes me feel a bit weird, I don’t want to tell her what to do or come off as controlling.

An old friend of her messaged her a few days ago and said “Hello \[name\], I was just wondering and I apologise if this comes across in anyway disrespectful, if I could possibly pay you $100 for some nudes? Completely discreet of course <3”.

She told him “I’ll have a think about it okay? That’s cool, I’m flattered you asked!” and that she’d ask me and that she was sure I’d be okay with it and even take pics of her naked.

He then said “It would be really sweet if we could make it a regular thing, I’ve always been into you, I’d love to see more and I’m in the position to pay. Obviously this goes without saying that this stays between us and it’s all completely for personal use <3”

I asked her if it would be a regular thing or a one off, and if he had feelings for her and she said it would just be a one off and that he does have feelings for her.

I told her “He wants to make it a regular thing and has feelings for you lol, to be honest this kind of makes me uncomfortable but it’s your body. Like if it was a completely stranger that would be different.. Like I’m all for body art and expression but to me it’s coming off like he just wants to masturbate to you which I guess you might be into, or just want the money, but to me it makes me feel a bit gross in my body. He seems kinda creepy about being discreet and stuff. You know where I stand but obviously it’s up to you. Thanks for being transparent anyway.”

She replied with “Thankyou for your honesty! Its good to know how you feel about it. He’s pretty much a stranger though. Only ever knew him at that party, and that was the only time we’d talked. Only saw him around at school in passing, and have never hung out with him. We don’t talk and we’re not friends, he lives in England! So he definitely feels like a stranger. I’m definitely just in this for the money! But yeah ofc he might want to it but thats his shit idk what he does with it, as long as he pays me haha. Def creepy vibes though. Let’s talk about this more later or in the phone! I think it’d be good to unpack it a bit more before I decide.”

I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable about this and the fact that she’s still considering it after I expressed my feelings towards it. I know she needs the money, but it just makes me feel a bit gross.

44 comments

  1. It’s weird. I’d be ready to move on if she still consider doing that and don’t see a problem with his proposal.

  2. Well for her safety she probably doesn’t want to be showing her face, and also charging more.

  3. I’d say just that “the thought of you sending naked pictures to this guy makes me feel gross”. Yes, it’s her body and that choice is hers to make but you two have been dating long enough where it’s very odd to be selling nudes to a dude she has met

  4. You know youre allowed to say it might be a deal breaker for you right? Especially with the way you’re feeling.

    It’s fine to say “sorry but no. I realized it makes me uncomfortable. Obviously I can’t and won’t stop you but if its something you do plan on doing it might be best we go our ways”. Or you don’t even need to he involved in the process if that’s what makes you uncomfortable.

  5. When it makes you uncomfortable that is something you should tell her clearly.
    And I am of the old school variety. I am married and me being married means my body is no longer mine but my wife’s. I can not do what I want with it.
    Now I don’t know if that would apply for relationships as well, I would think it would.
    Just have a conversation with her and be as honest and straight forward as possible!

  6. Playfully tell her you’ll buy her nudes instead so she doesn’t have to sell them to that other guy, just an idea.

  7. I think you guys are very good at communicating and I would just continue that. Assert that it makes you uncomfortable and ultimately in this scenario you wouldn’t be ok with it

  8. Damn. Hell no this is weird . She gotta have some respect for herself and the relationship

  9. If you told her how you feel about it and she’s still thinking about it that’s weird. Weather she needs the money or not

  10. I’m sorry, I would’ve broken up with her for even considering it. It’s a guy she knows and he has feelings for her. If she really needs the money, she could get a job? If it makes you uncomfortable you need to let her know.

  11. Yeah the issue is that it would be a legit transaction for money so he would be in his rights to sell those pics on to make more money because he owns them.

  13. She is for the streets my man. Let her go so she can do whatever it is she is gonna do, and you find a higher quality partner. It won’t be hard.

  19. This is a terrible idea. What if he shares them? Or worse sells them? Your girlfriend is then no better than a softcore pornstar and her reputation is ruined; if she wants to be ab adult entertainer then great and she’ll make more than $100. Don’t be dumb for a tiny amount of money over the long term.

  20. I’m very sex positive but sex work with people you know socially is a complicated thing, and it’s not great IMHO that flattery was her initial reaction to this unsolicited offer to buy her nudes. Plenty of men just want to see literally any woman naked, so it makes me concerned she specifically likes HIS interest in her and vice versa. And his offer to make it a regular thing inches it towards a sugar baby dynamic. It seems naive to treat this the same as say modeling nude for an art class or something. You are not being a prude for feeling uncomfortable.

  21. How are you 25 and need a reddit post to decide whether your girlfriend selling nudes to someone she knows and someone that has feelings for her is okay or not. Bruh

  22. Few things..

    She should know he could resell them or share them and 100 won’t last long.

    She knows him, this isn’t just transactional.

    Your feelings are valid, I wouldn’t want my partner selling to someone we knew. Anonymous may be different.

    As someone who sells content (non-nude (not shaming, this is relevant) and nothing you could identify me from – Dominatrix), I NEVER send anything I wouldn’t be prepared to have exposed to the entire world, Grandparents included 😂 not worth the anxiety.

    He’s a fucking creep.

    She’s feeding his creep behaviour.

    Good luck 🖤

  24. My girl said to tell your girlfriend that she needs to learn some self respect. Ain’t no way anyone who actually respects themselves, their relationship, and their partner would even consider this and go through with this, not only that but despite you voicing how uncomfortable you are with this she still is considering it. I get that people need to make money but not like this. This is a big red flag bro

  27. Tbh from the dude this is creepy as fuck, the whole idea that sex work enables creepy shit like this is baffling to me. Money is money but I don’t clock in at Walmart and think I love this damn place, no I hate it. The proper response to this shit is telling them to fuck off, as if there’s a respectful way to do this. Her politeness make me think she’s “on the clock” so to speak, like customer service voice. Idk the whole thing is creepy asf. But money is money.

  29. if you arnt comfortable with her sexualizing herself for money you are allowed to say its a dealbreaker. you are allowed to say that her even considering it is a dealbreaker, I personally would.

  30. No. If it was a stranger online maybe but she knows this guy. Creepy AF. Just no

  32. You’re a bf not a pimp. Don’t give your gf permission to be a who’re and cheat on you. Even if it’s a stranger paying money, it’s blatant cheating. There’s a difference between art and selling nudes

  33. I would not be ok with this. If she’s doing it for him then it could be anyone. Also with her mentality how far is she willing to go? What if a handsome dude with money comes along and wants to fly her out to him…

  34. Every relationship is different, but if my partner even considered it, it would be over. It’d be one thing to be in a relationship with somebody that was already doing that for work or a lifestyle, but to otherwise be in a relationship and entertain that, is unfathomable.

  36. I mean this in the nicest way possible: you need a reality check! What kind of girlfriend sends nudes to another man? She shouldn’t have even responded to that message, let alone entertain the idea at all. Please have more respect for yourself

  37. Please listen to me: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO NOT LIKE THIS SND TELL HER YOU DON’T WANT HER TO DO THIS. Yes You can’t tell her what to do but you can tell her you don’t want her to do it and if it’s a deal breaker you can tell her that, too.

    And for me it’s a deal breaker. Selling her nudes or even giving them to anyone but me and I’m gone.

  40. You have to be more clear in how you feel. Right now, you’re saying reasons that she can dispute and you’re saying things that sound like you’re not sure about it.

    Be clear on the phone later and tell her that you’re not comfortable with someone receiving her nudes and masturbating to it. It’s still up to her to decide what to do with her body, but it’s not okay to you.

    If she continues to want to do it, make it clear that that would be the end for you.

  41. That’s a red flag the size of California. I would dump her like last week’s trash

  42. >she’s a former sex worker

    Actually this story indicates that she is *still* a sex worker. It is certainly more mild than actual prostitution and the likes, but still. It is what it is

  43. She was a sex worker and that’s something that you either don’t mind or you do. It’s all just about the money so either get used to it or move on…..

  44. I take it you were only comfortable with dating her in the first place because she claimed the sex work was in her past? If you’re not fine with her doing it while dating you then leave.

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