Gf can only orgasm with vibrator and gets really frustrated when she cant orgasm. I feel disconnected and like I’m not lasting long enough for her. Advice?
I am looking for advice. I want to preface by saying I am not one of those guys jealous of a vibrator. I know most women need it to orgasm and I think using toys is sexy and even like feeling the vibrations as well.
So my girlfriend of 3 months cant orgasm without a vibrator. We have had sex maybe 6 or so times so far. All in all sex is great with her. I mean the overall act. Whether I’m going down on her, shes going down on me, both, or we’re fooling around. I have done some anal stuff to her with my fingers and partially with my penis. It seemed incredible for both of us. So we are into each other and have no issue talking about sexual things. We are comfortable
So, when im on top of her and she is using a vibrator I think its sexy. There are a few problems though…
It takes her a long time and she gets really frustrated with herself. Like last night it didn’t happen and she was so frustrated that she started crying. She says she has a mental block and sometimes just cant orgasm. We talked and I kinda messed up asking if theres things I can do better. She tells me that sometimes I slow my rhythm down and its tough when I do that as she needs a steady rhythm. I already knew this and try to keep the perfect rhythm for her, but I need to slow down as not to come quickly and I’m not one of the guys that can just go forever. So I explained to her that its normal for guys to have to slow it down as to not get to the point of no return. She then says ”well not all guys.” This really made me feel kinda sad because it made me feel like other guys have lasted longer, and she knows it, and wishes I did. I told her that she didn’t word that in a good way and that its probably not a good idea to compare to other guys or gilrs ever with sex. She did become very apologetic and I know she didn’t mean that as any type of put down, but still it really sucked hearing it and I’m still thinking about it this morning. I am trying to do the right things in regards to my stamina. Exercise, kegels, not masturbate to porn, use a fleshlight to train stamina. I even started viagra.
The next part is what I need the most advice on. So she was married and her ex husband seemed to lose interest in sex with her because of this and I can tell by the things she has said that he said, that he made her feel like it always took too long for her to get off and I think it really just ended up making them not have sex and probably was a big part in ending their marriage. Now, I don’t want to be like this. I love sex and I love this woman (havent said I love you yet, but its coming and I know I do). My issue is that when we have PIV sex and shes using the vibrator, it seems like shes so disconnected from the sex we are having together and has to focus entirely on using the vibrator and trying to get off with it. It makes me feel like I am just up their pumping away and we aren’t in the moment together. I will say again that I’m not initimidated by her vibrator use. I just feel we are disconnected. Everything else is amazing like I said. I love going down on her and I see that she loves it. We are both very physical in basically everyway
So I want advice with:
Am I being immature with feeling she is disconnected during PIV. What can I do to be better? I don’t want to get frustrated about this?
What can she do (and me) to feel less frustrated about her body and the fact that sometimes she just cant orgasm. What can be done about the mental block she gets? Is sex therapy a good idea. Should she go alone? Or should I go with her if it is?