I’m in my late 40s and have a son who’s now in his early 20s. Our relationship has been a rollercoaster, especially since he converted to a specific religion a few years ago. I’ve always respected his decision to explore his faith, but it has undeniably changed the dynamic between us. His mother and I are not believers in any religion, but we have been careful not to judge him.
The lectures on my lifestyle choices started shortly after his conversion, focusing on my moderate drinking, occasional smoking, and rare gambling outings. These weren’t issues for him until I won a significant amount of money from a site he has previously lectured me from using because it’s a casino. Before this win, he seemed indifferent to my gambling, but the victory seemed to flip a switch.
He became increasingly critical, particularly about the gambling, arguing that the win was fueling my “destructive” habits. This contention reached a peak after a family event last year when he criticized me in front of everyone for indulging in these activities, citing my win as a turning point for the worse. Attempts to discuss how his judgment made me feel only led to more friction, making it clear that he saw my lifestyle as incompatible with his values.
Another incident that stands out was during a family gathering last year. He openly criticized me in front of relatives for serving alcohol, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere for everyone present. Despite numerous attempts to discuss how his approach was affecting our relationship, there seemed to be no middle ground where we could meet.
This ongoing situation has led me to reconsider my will. After years of feeling judged and misunderstood in my own home, I’ve decided to cut him out. This decision pains me deeply, as it’s not just about the money but the symbolic distance that now exists between us. My will reflects the values and relationships I cherish, and our current relationship is a shadow of what it used to be. And, why should he have a share of my gambling winnings, when he’s lectured me to no end?
Despite everything, my love for him hasn’t waned, but I feel pushed to this decision by the persistent lack of acceptance and understanding. It’s a move I never envisioned taking, especially over such a divisive issue. I’m holding onto hope for a future where our differences can coexist without driving us apart.
What should I do about adjusting my will in light of these prolonged and intensified conflicts? Revert it? Or continue?