I want to know if she has feelings for me and is hiding them, or if I’m just a delusional infatuated asshole and she’s being honest about her lack of interest in me.
Me (31x) and my friend Sue(25f) met over the summer when she got hired at my job. We hit it off as friends and slowly started doing almost everything together. We’re at the point now where we hang out almost every single day, and even go in on each other’s shifts just to hang out. I realized a few weeks ago that I got in too deep and have some serious feelings, but she has a partner and they’ve been together for four years. She is very much in love with them.
I thought the feelings were mutual for a ton of reasons. There’s a lot of flirtation (play fighting, teasing, biting), intense eye contact, mirroring of body language, and a mutual sense of being enamored by one another. Multiple coworkers have given us the side eye and asked me in private what’s going on between us. I tell them all we’re just good friends. When I talked to Sue about it, she said it’s cuz we’re queer and queer people tend to have deeper friendships.
A week ago, someone mistook me, Sue and Sue’s partner as a throuple. Sue started distancing herself from me after that and being borderline mean. She stopped sharing cigarettes with me, sharing food with me, and being affectionate towards me. She told me out of no where that I’m not her type, and then has just randomly been saying things that insinuate she has no interest in me. She also accused me of trying to get at her (I’ve never made advances outside of the mutual teasey flirting). I denied it and asked why the fuck she’s being so weird. First, she told me she was scared cuz she’s never had a friend like me before. She admitted a couple days ago that she’s just having a rough mental health month and that she loves and appreciates me, and started being saccharine sweet by lighting my cigarettes and buying me drinks. I told her to stop being gross and just be normal lol
I also think it’s worth mentioning that she fuckin peed on me cuz she thought it would be funny. This was during the week I felt like she was pushing me away. We talked about how it was a boundary violation and we’re good now, but I was hella confused about why I wasn’t more pissed at her for it. It was actually hilarious given the context.
I’m trying to decide what to do here. I definitely want her as a friend, but without all of this weird tension. I love her partner and respect their relationship and would never want to break them up. I would, however, consider an open situation with them if they were willing to consider it. We’ve all been in polyamorous relationships in the past so I don’t think that would be completely off the table, but I’m also not keeping my hopes up.
Thanks all.