Warning: This is a long post, a lot of ranting, all with intent of seeking advice.
I (32M) have been with my GF (31F) since early 2020. In that time, I have paid for her rent, college, food, even bought a vehicle for her to drive so she could keep her job. Since we started dating, I have learned that she has significant traumas, endured near-constant abuse, and has truly suffered in her life. I have tried so hard to make things easy for her, and even let her “temporarily” move in when her boss significantly reduced her hours.
During all of this, she has been pushing her traumas on me, unintentionally abusing me emotionally, causing me to go into debt, and proceeds to be blatently ungrateful for all I have done and sacrificed for her. (I do not hold anything I have done for her over her nor do I ever even mention it).
She has now quit her job, has been freeloading off me, my roommates are getting frustrated, and I’m starting to feel like I don’t want to be in my own home, just because she is there and will require upkeep of some sort, no matter her mood. She refuses to do chores, rarely cooks meals, and is constantly asking for money to bring her bank account positive…
I work 8-12 hour days in a job where if I screw up, people could die, so my life is stressful enough as-is just with my job (which I also love and find purpose in due to my personality type).
Despite all of this, I care for her, and I want her to succeed in life. But she rejects every opportunity before she even gets the chance to prove herself. She is very bright and could do so much for the world if only she could get over herself and her traumas… but that’s just it… I can’t take it anymore. I have been so kind to her, so understanding and supportive. I have shown nothing but love and care, yet she sabotages herself every chance she gets and then puts it all on me. Not to mention, she is a hoarder, and now my living space has been an absolute atrocious mess since she moved in, which is impacting my well being significantly…
The reason I’m posting this.. I just went on a one week trip to take care of my father. During this time, she has done nothing but complain and act entitled, while also acting like a victim and like she is being a target of emotional abuse from my roommates (I 100% don’t believe). This is not the first time she has done this, and I know it won’t be the last.. But if I ever say anything, she spirals into an insane depression and won’t listen to anything I say.
Wtf do I do here? I can’t take this much longer. Honestly thinking of taking her to a psych ward or something. Any other suggestions? I don’t have any ill feelings towards her, and seriously only want to help her, but I can’t take that all on and come out of this with my sanity intact..