I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I really need help. (FYI – I’m pretty new to sex only had with few guys few times, but he’s had it a lot) Anyway…
We are planning to get married but only hesitant to get married because of our lack of sex.
In our early stages, we were both really attracted to each other, he’d initiate but sex wasn’t as good. Mostly because of me as I wasn’t in a good head space. I was having mental problems with anxiety, panic attacks. So I couldn’t bring myself to really enjoy sex or get into it as it made my heart race and that triggers my panic attacks. And I started to have low sex drive after I started having constant panic attacks. And he stopped initiating sex too, didn’t show much interest. We communicated on it later on and he expressed he felt like I wasn’t attracted to him and that he thinks we are sexually incompatible.(I personally don’t believe in sexual incompatibility) And I explained what was going on with me. And, he also did express that he realizes he’s having porn addiction issues and that he needs to work on getting out of it. That inner work needs to be done to get to a better place sexually.
So, we haven’t had sex for over 6 months now. We did communicate regarding our lack of sex few times now over the past months. I am not really comfortable in my own skin, I think I am not fully comfortable with myself sexually. I lack confidence. And I need constant reassurance and always concerned whether he likes what I’m doing or not on bed. Which turns him off he mentioned. He says he’s attracted to a personality sort of. Not looks. He likes confidence and dominance and when they do it for themselves.
We recently talked again and he says he we really need to do something about it if we are going to be together. Which I agree on. He said he is unable to do it because of the porn addiction and all. Like he doesn’t feel like doing it with me I guess? Didn’t exactly say it but yeah. (And I guess because we couldn’t really sexually connect with each other initially too I don’t know.) Either ways, he recently told me that he knows it’s 100% due to his porn addiction and other things that just need inner work. And he is sexually attracted to me, just not enough. We both aren’t cus we feel a distant and sexual attractiveness decreases as we don’t have sex. And it’s been a while now. Since he is busy with work and all, he asked me to take the lead. And to just do it when I feel like it. That it might get better after we just start doing it. For me to initiate and all.
I really want us to work, we are so good together. How do I work on my part, building confidence and doing whatever I want on bed with him. How do I feel sexually comfortable with myself, so I can get where I want to sexually. Be comfortable being dominant. I want to be, I just can’t bring myself to. I am really attracted to him, I don’t know why I’m so tense and always in my head to the point where we both can’t really enjoy sex. And I think I also lack self-awareness.
Do you think we can work it out? And do you think he’s actually not attracted to me at all sexually? That he is in denial or he’s really telling the truth and there’s a chance this get better? Please share your personal experiences and advices. Thank you.