Me and my boyfriend have been together for two and a half years. We are amazing friends and really joke around like little kids. However. There’s been multiple times where he’s called me “fat”, like when we sat down at dinner and he told me to sit somewhere else cos my belly looked disgusting. I binned my dinner and went to bed. To him it was a “joke”, but to me it really hurt my feelings. I would say I am normal build for a 20 year old woman. We have a holiday next month and for months I have mentioned about going to gym, as he’s ruined all my confidence and I just want to feel happy in my body so I can wear bikinis. He has told me that if I go, we will not be together as the gym is for “slags who just want to be perved on”. I have mentioned signing up to the gym for the past few months and he was saying “we will sign up together after the holiday”. Me being me, I signed up to the gym one morning when I was feeling crap, and went with my friend. I didnt get “perved on”. In fact everyone was just in their own world. Since then, I have constantly been motivated to have a gym session after work or late in the evening (when it’s not busy because I am nervous), but he’s told me I can’t be trusted. He then agreed to come to the gym with me on the weekends, but has now told me it’s a waste of time and will do nothing for my body. What am I to do as I just want to work on myself and don’t understand why I’m being treated this way.
38 comments
That’s abusive
“Treat yourself like someone you love” I think this quote would help you rethink what you want for yourself. Love yourself and be more confident. You were born not to serve anybody’s satisfaction. If you want to improve your look keep going to the gym. I understand it will take time to actually see the results, but I promise you that it will be worth it. Don’t let anyone talk you down!
You aren’t amazing friends sorry. He is an abusive chauvinistic pig. Treat yourself to some love and Ditch him.
Seems likes he’s trying to keep you down on his level. Escape that level and be your own woman
He makes negative comments about your body, knowing that it seriously upsets you and negatively affects you. He is controlling and adamantly works against you doing anything that makes you feel good about your body, to the point of threatening to leave you.
You get that this isn’t meant to be a joke, right? Your boyfriend is consciously and intentionally working to destroy your body image and make sure you don’t feel good about yourself. This is not your friend and not someone who cares about you or your happiness or wellbeing.
Your bf is a fucking disgusting and abusive asshole. He’s trying to break you and make you dependent. Leave him. Yesterday!
Do what you need to do to feel better and confident about yourself. Your boyfriend is a jerk. And, he’s controlling and minipulating you, which is not good. IF you are able to and willing to, give it some serious thought on whether this is the kind of guy you want as a boyfriend. Sure, anyone in relationships are gonna have conflicts and disagreements. But this is going too far with him treating you like crap like he does.
If you have any fuking respect for yourself you’ll leave this trash bag yesterday. Thats what you do! You leave him, block him and go live your best life.
That’s pretty damn nasty, he should be absolutely supportive of you wanting to go to the gym. Are there other things going on in the relationship that might be in play here?
Its weird how you open up your statement defending how good your relationship is then everything else is him abusing you and shaming you? Do you see that? I know women in certain countries are treated differently but this is just mean.
What kind of great friend says emotionally abusive things?
He’s emotionally abusive and controlling. Dump him.
Hes probably insecure as shit and doesn’t want you to be confident enough to leave him, or look good enough to get stolen.
So leave him and find someone new.
One word – RUN!! Away from him. He will drag you down with him, to the point where you doubt how beautiful you are, or that as a human being, deserve love and respect. He gives you neither of these, so why stay with the man who constantly puts you down but emotionally and psychologically??
>he’s ruined all my confidence
#Non-Abusive partners BUILD your confidence.
#Abusive partners destroy it.
Read those lines over and over until you accept it.
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t like you?
Like it’s actually in-fathomable that you would stay with the person who you say has **ruined** your confidence. Don’t you know what love is supposed to be like?
What if I told you that 1 month from now you can be twice as happy as you are now? You simply have to stop talking with him- today, and carry on with improving your body and mind. Or, you can continue to be abused and negged by some deuchenozzle and continue feeling the way you felt when you initially wrote this post. Think about that. You wrote, “Help Me”. Be kind to yourself, good luck.
This looks like the very early stages of coercive control. You might want to consider breaking up with him, but be very careful. The leaving part can be the most dangerous time for the person being coerced.
Also think about this, do you want this for the next however many years of you life?
And you call this jerk-off an “amazing” friend? Tell him you can tone up at the gym, but there’s no way he can get a bigger dick. Then ditch him. He’s toxic.
Let me tell you, this is not what an amazing relationship looks like. He constantly is being rude to you. He calls you names. He doesn’t want you to improve. He beats you down all the time. That’s not what an amazing relationship looks like. Recognize it and move on.
I’d say sometimes girls get perved on at the gym. Not because they want to but because some guys are creepy assholes. But dump his ass get your confidence back and don’t worry about him. Guys like that suck. Find a guy who treats you right and loves you for you.
This is absolutely toxic and emotional abuse. This is an instant dealbreaker in my opinion. Any man who is 1. Controlling or 2. Calling you fat, even as a “joke” has actual issues that will only get worse. I promise. There are men that are emotionally healthy who will only want to build you up. Absolutely vile behavior on his part and I hope you find the self-love to find someone who will not do this.
Hes very controlling! I want to ask do you see that though?
You want us to help you? Girl, get that man out of your life and help yourself!!
Get him out of your life, keep going to the gym , get the body you want to have , he ll cry for you after seeing you all satisfied without him
He is starting to try to gain control over you, don’t let him do this. Go to the gym and anywhere else that you want to go. The reason I am saying this that I have been in your shoes twice in my life until I broke free and became myself again.
This is straight up “negging”: destroying your confidence so that you don’t leave him.
I’m taking from your slang that you’re British? I am too. It wasn’t until I moved to another country that I realized how toxic the culture we have in the UK of “it’s just banter” can be. I used to justify my ex’s behaviour in the same way, because we “joke around a lot” but banter is only funny if everyone finds it funny. This isn’t. This is abuse. You can do much better than this guy!
Get rid of that absolute creep and go find your prince sis. Can’t live your best life with someone who has a small sausage PETIT BATON. Go find your baguette king to make you scream
Yuck. The things he says to you are…. Awful????!!!!!
There are plenty of men who treat women with dignity and respect. Stop giving your time to those who don’t.
Because your bf is an immature, abusive ahole. Your going to the gym is your choice for your life. He has no role in what you do.
Stop listening to anything he says as he is an idiot. The gym is for slags who want be perved on? No, it’s not. People are there to work out.
He doesn’t sound amazing to me. Sounds like a prick. You deserve better.
It’s so sad, I’m sorry for you. How can someone pretends to love someone and still says such harsh things ? I’m not sure he really loves you.
Why do people preface their story about their terrible partner with “We’re great together.” Or ending it with “… but other than that we’re in love!” Only for the rest of the text to describe exactly the opposite. 1. It makes people question your sanity(apparently redditors who posts here are all in denial.) 2. It makes people question your relationship in general. Idk how people describe some of the worst ways to treat a human and then go “We’re amazing together.” Like how low is your standard for a good relationship? Cuz reading this paragraph does not sound like amazing friends. Like at all. If I knew someone who makes fun of my appearance only to discourage me from doing anything about it, I’d drop that person. Friend, SO, or family. That’s literally someone trying to keep you at an appearance that they admitted is unflattering to them, but they’d rather you be unflattering because it makes them feel better. And on top of that they’re gonna “joke” about it with you the whole time? I have friends who we roast each other for extra motivation be it sports, work, etc. but we encourage each other to be better. You’re describing a person who highlights your insecurities, makes jokes out of them(of which he’s the only one laughing,) AND doesn’t want to support you doing something about it. That’s not an amazing anything, friend, BF, brother, cat, dog, whatever. You’re describing a shitty human. No matter who we are to each other, we should always encourage each other to be better. I bet you’ve met strangers that showed you more love and support than your bf, but yet he’s the amazing one.
The only excess weight you are carrying is the boyfriend. Get rid of it.
Abuse starts like the old frog in warm water analogy. Abuse starts with small disrespects – name calling, contempt comments etc. It can escalate into super critical feedback, control, violence etc
So when people say leave at the first red flag, this is what they mean. Because it escalates.
If there are other red flags, collect them into a bouquet and leave.