Hi everyone,
First of all, English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for the syntax or grammar mistakes (please don’t hesitate to correct me if needed).
So here’s the situation. I’ve been with my bf for almost 4 years now, and we’ve been living together for 2 years. He always had a girl best friend (let’s call her Lisa), they’ve been like brother and sister for more than 10 years, texting everyday, seeing each other for a drink once a week, etc. During our relationship I learned to know her, and actually liked her, we also began to go out for drinks without him, we went to the gym together, etc. It was actually very nice to have her as a friend. I didn’t saw her as a threat at all, as she had a long term partner (12 years or so).
But 8 months ago, when we were both stressed and tired because of work (mostly) my bf and I went in a huge fight. We argued a lot. After this episode of arguments, I went to a friend’s wedding on the other side of the country ; in the meantime my bf also went to another friend’s wedding happening at the same time. And he went there with Lisa, they spent the week end together.
When we got back in our home, he told me that during the wedding he felt very attracted to Lisa, because she kept hitting on him again and again, and felt like kissing her at some point, but as he respected our relationship, he didn’t do anything (his words). We however argued a lot on this topic, I got jealous, I cried a lot, and we almost broke up.
I honestly felt very upset and betrayed. When Lisa asked me to go out for drinks after all this, I postponed and said that although I like drinking with her, it might take some time for me to digest what happened between her and my bf.
She took it extremely bad and cut off contact with my bf for 3 months. Literally, she ghosted him and said they could never be friends again, because she realized they hurt me (her words…).
My bf was depressed during these 3 months, as he suddenly lost his best friend. I tried to support him the best I could; even if hearing words like « I miss her » etc, was painful to hear, I just shut my mouth and comforted him.
One day she came back to him saying she wants to be friends with him again, he just said he was happy to hear it and things went back to normal between them.
However, from my side it’s been a little bit harder. First, she did not apologize at all for her behavior, and second, it’s not the first time I see her ghosting my bf for months when she’s upset. I find this very disrespectful, as I can see how it impacts him.
I asked my bf many times if we could just have a little chat all 3 of us, just to talk about that, « clean » the situation, and move on. But my bf refused, as he’s afraid he could « lose everyone »…
Time has passed and they see each other once a week, sometimes even more often bc she broke up with her partner and she needed comfort, to overcome this hard situation.
They go out for drinks every week and I’m NEVER invited. I asked (again) my bf if I could just come and have one drink, but he refuses everytime and I have to stay at home.
He is constantly texting her when we’re together, when he’s at work, when we watch a movie, etc.
Honestly it’s been months, and now I can’t help but feel jealous, anxious, or angry everytime I see her name pop on his screen. I try not to, but I end up going silent almost everyday.
We argue almost everyday because of that. My bf says he’s tired of seeing me in a bad mood everyday, that he’s pissed off, etc.
But if I go silent, it’s because he always end up yelling if I try to communicate. Whenever I ask a question, even a dumb question like « do you see your future with me ? » he ends up yelling. He yells ALL THE TIME.
When I ask him to show me he loves me, he ends up yelling that he’s already doing it.
Honestly I try to be the best person I can in this situation but I’m feeling more and more tired. I don’t think he understands that he’s slowly losing me.
I don’t know how to solve this situation. I didn’t ask for all that in the beginning.
I feel like he just wants me to shut up and be ok with everything without asking questions.
Do you have any advice ?
Many thanks in advance
TL;DR : My bf’s girl best friend had a flirty behavior with him, I’m trying to overcome this situation but I can’t help ending up jealous or angry, as they see each other every week and text everyday.