I have been with my girlfriend for around 3 years. She has had 3 previous relationships that both ended when they cheated on her. Her first boyfriend she has not spoken to in around 6 years and the other one she hasn’t spoken to in 4 years.
Her first boyfriend recently messaged asking how she has been and just wanting to catch up. She told me about it and told me she was planning on replying and asked if I was fine with that. I told her I didn’t see why she’d want to bother talking to him when he’s not in her life anymore but just said I can’t stop her talking to him.
She told me a couple more times when he messaged but I’ve noticed his name popping up on her phone quite a bit when we’ve been sat watching videos on her phone etc. She messaged her mum something related to a show we were currently watching then a min later picked her phone up and I asked if her mum had replied. She said no and that it was her ex and that she’s just been talking to him about friends and work.
I asked her why she was still talking to him and why she was telling him everything she had going on. I told her I know I said I was fine with it but that was when she said she was only messaging once but now she’s spending a fair bit of time each day talking to him, I’m not comfortable with it.
She asked if I was telling her she had to stop and I said no since I can’t control who she speaks to but that if she continued to talk to him we’d likely be over since she’d be choosing talking to her ex over my comfort. She said I was being out of order and trying to tell her who to talk to but I just pointed out that’s not what was happening at all. I’m not really sure what to do here, does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
tl;dr My gfs ex messaged her a few weeks ago and said said she was only going message him once and asked if I was okay with it. I said I didn’t see why she needed to but that I can’t stop her talking to people. Over the weeks I’ve seen his name pop up a lot on her phone. Last night she mentioned she’s been talking to him about her friends and work etc and I said it made me uncomfortable. I said if she is going to keep talking to him then it’s likely to be the end of us and she said I was being out of order.