Throw away account because I don’t want my friends to know about my struggles.
For months there has been an issue in my marriage; when there’s any kind of issue, it can’t be solved because I’m the only one trying to solve it. If I don’t say exactly what my husband wants to hear, my husband checks out, he will watch TV or scroll on his social media, leave the house etc while I’m trying to talk to him. He refuses to participate in the conversation, sometimes actually completely ignoring me as if im not even there. When he does talk to me, he almost never addressed what I’m saying because in his words, “I don’t want to validate you or you’ll think you can get away with (whatever thing I did that he didn’t like which is using complining about something.)”
We have now been in a 4 day problem because several days ago I asked him why he doesn’t ask me to participate in prayers with him. It’s rare that we get a chance to pray together and I want to when we can. I’ve asked him this several times. He got mad at me when I asked and I reacted by “bitching” as he likes to call it. So, he left the house while I was in the middle of a sentence. I texted him later saying that maybe I went about delivering my message in the wrong way, but what i said was true and accurate.
Anyways fast forward to 2 nights ago. I approached him to talk because he never approaches me to talk. He looked annoyed that I wanted to speak to him and just continued watching TV while I did so. I did address his feelings about my “bitching” which is basically me having any kind of attitude when I’m upset, and i explained to him that its something I’m working on but it’s basically human nature to have an attitude when you’re upset so it’s a difficult thing to overcome. He blew up saying I was justifying my “bitching” and he walked away (which he promised SO MANY TIMES he wont do. I still tried a little more and he said he didn’t care so I left it alone.
Then yesterday he text me because he needed something, but when he came home, same old shit. I didn’t try to spproach him. Today he texted me that he wants to go to a family gathering. He knows I seriously hate doing that when there’s bad blood between us because his family van see it all over my face. But I didn’t disagree with him and he told me what time to be ready. I was ready on time checked out the window and his car was here, he sat in there for a long time to the point were gonna be late and then he text me that we’re going later, I said, “but you’re here. You’ve been sitting out there for a while.” He said yeah and he’s going to play football….
He came inside to change his clothes and get ready for football and he talked to me like nothing ever happened and I snapped a bit. I told him that this is really messed up, I asked him if he thinks I will stay if he continues to act like this. He basically told me I know where the door is, yet he claims the relationship means a lot to him. He told me he will never ask me to stay and leave if I want to. I told him if he was interested in keeping me or interested in our relationship then he would not leave it for days in this state. He told me in ungrateful (for what I have no idea I immigrated to be with him and 100% paid for everything myself) at that point I blew up and told him he’s fucked up and his attitude is fucked up.
He then went to play football without another word.
For the record I don’t complain a lot. We have very little and I make do with what we have, I work and contribute to the household, I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning and decorating etc.
I really need advice here, if I’m wrong, I want to know. I just don’t see that I’m wrong though, at least I’m trying to communicate, he’s completely checked out.