The week after my breakup I went on another date, probably too soon since the previous relationship made a love/hate connection between me and her (19F).
When the new girl (19F) came, she didn’t catfish me but she looked more different than in her social media pictures but I was surprised. We talked and talked and smoked some funny cigarettes and when it hit me I had a breakthrough. Her mannerisms and jokes and just the way she carried herself were identical to my jokes style. Even though I am self-reflecting on myself a lot since I want to improve myself to be a person that other people want to be around (charismatic) I was senselessly shocked at how much I disliked her way of conversation. From seeing myself in her I noticed how many times I joke and tell something that seems funny to me. I noticed how insecure she was when I showed dislike and saw the same low confidence in my behaviour.
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I took her to the train as that’s doing the bare minimum and left. When heading home listened to music and thought about why I disliked it. If you would go on a date with yourself you would expect it to go fantastic? I thought so. Are the feelings I felt the same people feel when talking with my friends and relationship people? If I was repulsed by myself I should probably change my behaviour. My last girlfriend at breakup mentioned that sometimes she didn’t get my jokes at all. If she looked just like the pictures would I not mind her behaviour?