I started seeing someone late last year and emotions bursted into flames from both sides very quickly. Let’s call this person “Y”. We live in different cities and see each other every other week or once a month but keep in touch daily with messages and phone calls.
Y said pretty early that they just ended a long relationship and it isn’t clear yet what they want from me. I’ve been single for quite some time and I’m looking for a solid relationship and willing to give Y any time needed. It didn’t take long for us to say that we love each other and even started planning our future a bit ahead. Y told me they haven’t felt anything like this before with anyone and even all the friends said they haven’t seen Y that happy ever. It showed from both of our eyes that we love each others company.
We’ve been very honest and truthful to each other and it’s easy to bring out anything that’s bothering either of us. We both share depression and anxiety on different levels and even there we understand each other. We share a lot of common interests and mindset, which makes it even more easier to communicate. Y has said she’ll focus/commit 100% on one person who she’s seeing/dating and that person would be me in this case.
We spent almost a week together not long ago and had a wonderful time. After that everything seemed to change, suddenly Y became more quiet and not that talkative anymore. No more asking “how’s your day”, saying “have a nice day at work” etc, sharing emotions, complimenting my looks, sending loving emoticons or “I miss you” texts. I’ve asked if everything’s alright and the response has been “Yes, I’m just dealing with a lot right now and I will tell you if I want something to change. We’re good”.
We still see each other randomly, plan some events together but all the talk about our mutual future is gone and our time together seems much colder than before. We are very different in showing our love and affection, I show it with words and touching/cuddling. Y isn’t used to this kind of behavior which is understandable. But now when I say “I love you” face-to-face the response “I love you too” back at me feels very forced.
Y has a lot of friends from opposite gender and I don’t want to be jealous about it. But lately when we’re together I’ve seen Y spending more time on their phone and texting to these opposite gender friends rather than spending time with me. Especially because we don’t see each other that often. Day by day texting towards me seems to fade. From 100s of texts/day to maybe 10/day now. And the texts seem very bleak. Y has said they want to focus on daily routines and daily life and not be on their phone all the time. Which seems to be a lie as I explained above. I see Y online on social media apps almost all the time but I feel like I’m not interesting anymore to Y to text me or tell about their day on their own initiative. It feels like I have to milk topics from Y now.
TLDR; would I be an asshole to ask what’s going on and ask for more commitment and effort towards me?