I’m a 29F with auDHD, C-PTSD and most likely a general anxiety disorder (panic attacks since 2nd grade which is also when I stopped feeling control/unsure of my personal and emotional autonomy). I’ve always been told I have so much potential but would often be bullied for being a try hard or over-catering to those around me. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology, started out in the air force at 18, been married and divorced and in so many long term relationships that were my primary focus and yet im burnt out, freelancing and unsure and doubtful of my every move in life. So most days I waste away learning music production and belting my lungs out to karaoke tracks as a professional singer for most my life.
This is the nice version of how I talk about myself, my worry and doubt caused by this narrative makes it so hard to believe in my abilities to make friends and know that people want to be around someone who just fully embodies the spirit of anxiety, dispite my attempts to be the positive, golden retriever, yes man person that I believe myself to be?
Im also currently living with an ex in a complicated unrequited love situation ‘said he wasn’t good for me’ so im up to my ears in rejection sensitive disphoria atm
Seeing someone else now so I also have a place to go try to be me again. I just dont want to make the same mistakes of trying to feel safe with someone just to be leveled back to longer and longer periods of sadness that interfere with life so much I cant afford to feed myself. Still in a year of deep depression about it but I always still try to treat people right.
Open to insight. Just a message in a bottle so thnx for listening!