Hi!
I wouldn’t call myself low libido or sexually inexperienced. However my relationship with my partner (31 M) got very contentious at times because of my difficulty initiating, and it led to us constantly fighting and we are now separated but hoping to work things out.
We started out in a long-distance situation, and first we were meeting up in hotel rooms when he was on work trips, or he would come visit me at my place, so initiation was never an issue because all we wanted to do was have sex when we were together. We often went for 10+ hours, doing not much else.
The problem really arose when he moved and I started staying with him for longer intervals, usually about 3 weeks to a month. We were essentially living together part-time.
He spent most of the time sitting at his desk, we both worked from home and we both game so we’d be in separate rooms either working or gaming together. For some reason I always felt awkward initiating while he was sitting there. I tried various things, coming up and rubbing his back, sitting on the floor and touching him, I even would come into the room undressed. He mostly told me I had really bad timing and wasn’t “being sexy enough”
I tried asking what he meant and he told me to “use my sexuality” and told me I have the sex appeal of a wooden plank, which was hurtful to say the least and led to me withdrawing even further and as a result he tried to force things by refusing to initiate at all, so as to put the ball permanently in my court.
As with most ultimatums it did more harm than good and everything slowly fell apart between us. We’ve talked it out and both recognize our part in what happened. *HOWEVER* in the interest of being a better sex partner, wtf can I do, as a woman, to be sexier??? I felt like I was constantly getting shot down and it totally ruined my confidence. I asked him what he wanted but he became frustrated trying to explain to me how to be sexy and told me it was something he couldn’t teach me. I feel like I need a coach or guide on how to be sexy. If anyone can help point me in the right direction I would be eternally grateful!