I feel overwhelmed and sort of like I’m losing my mind. My friends always tell me I’m crazy, but in a funny awkward way. They compare me to Michael Scott from the Office or Allen from the Hangover. I feel like when I’m high energy and comfortable enough to feel confident I can be the best parts of these characters: funny, adventurous, quirky, and someone who brings everyone a little closer. Problem is, most of the time I’m shy, awkward, and dreadfully tired. Most of my sarcastic remarks or cheesy jokes come out in a mumble and they tend to be missed by others. I’m terrible at banter, and holding a conversation is hard. I’m unusually small for my age too— I don’t know if that part matters but it sure feels like it. I wish I could be the better half of me all of the time. Everything seems a bit easier when I’m tipsy or chugging an energy drink. For obvious reasons, I just can’t maintain that level of energy and confidence throughout the day. Most of the time I’m slouched over, laughing quietly at my own jokes in the corner. I smile at others frequently, because I’m genuinely excited they’re looking in my direction, but I’m quick to end any sort of conversation— not intentionally, I just don’t know what to say and I know they can FEEL that. I hate myself for it. I hate the way my brain blacks out. I hate how tired I am. I hate that other people can sense my anxiety. I wish I could just be normal. Normal. Normal. Normal.