My teacher (75F) is a wonderful person and has helped me so much and I love talking with her, but she’s always apologizing and putting herself down. She apologizes for forgetting things and says she’s getting old in a deeply troubled tone, she apologizes for not noticing things and beats herself up for not catching my mistakes earlier, she apologizes profusely for her own tiny mistakes and seems very distraught. I get the feeling she’s terrified of losing her mind or becoming a burden, even though she’s one of the most independent and competent people I know. After every lesson I come away feeling like I’ve done something to make her sad.
I know she loves compliments and I’m pretty sure she’s sometimes fishing for more, which I don’t hesitate to give. Most recently I’ve been gently assuring her that what she’s doing is helping and then moving on with the conversation. Maybe I don’t compliment her enough: she piles on compliments to me all the time. Maybe I need to ask more questions and lean more on her guidance.
How do you navigate conversations with someone who’s prone to guilt– specifically a teacher, which is a unique dynamic –so that both of us might part on a positive note?