I (24M) can’t seem to find anyone willing to go out with me. I know I’m no hot commodity. I am average looks (probably around a 6/10), average height (5’8), slightly chubby ( currently about 180 lbs. though I am working on it. I’ve lost 30 pounds in the last few months). Realistically I am hoping to double that number and get down to about 150lbs. I have a big self-improvement mindset.
It isn’t like I have no redeeming qualities though. I love to cook, and I am really good at it, I’m a hobby Woodworker, I have a stable job, I am definitely a homebody, but still love going outdoors to go hiking, camping, etc. I’m not religious. I am relatively active. I work out 2-3 times a week and I walk to work occasionally to get some exercise in since my job as a Receptionist is pretty sedentary. I have a relatively nice car (2015 Hyundai Accent) that I fully own. I am pretty financially stable. I’m a overall well rounded and sensible. I am a gamer, though I also know how to play in moderation, and not have it be the sole thing that consumes my life. I love to read books, I love tea, and I’m a pretty big nerd about pretty much anything.
I’ve got pretty moderate views, and am accepting and respectful to pretty much everyone. My motto is “never a reason to be mean”. I try to treat everybody no matter what with a modicum of respect and kindness. I pretty much never get angry. I have had a much sunnier disposition about myself in the last year or so, and have been major into self-improvement. However none of this is to say I am pushover either. I do have my own beliefs that I have opinions on, but I never force someone to accept my beliefs for themselves. I am always up for a discussion about beliefs, but I try to make it as nonconfrontational as I can.
Now I have tried using dating apps (Bumble, Hinge, Boo), meeting people in person, doing group activities (not with the express reason of finding someone and actually enjoying the activity on its own). I don’t drink often so I don’t frequent bars, nor would I really want someone who does. I am fine with drinking, just a personal choice. I don’t smoke or do any drugs, and would prefer someone who doesn’t either (though that’s a hard ask since I live in Oregon and a lot of people smoke weed). Other than that, I don’t really have a lot of specific preferences. No preference on height, hair/eye color, personal/political/religious views, ideally would be same or lower weight than me, but again, not super picky.
I have had a few dates, but I declined continuing due to some pretty major red flags. One of them wouldn’t stop talking about their BDSM fantasies while we were at dinner, and the other had just gotten dumped by someone she was having an affair with, and who was 17 years older. Neither of which I am particularly interested in dealing with. Especially on a first date. I have been cheated on in the past so I do have a bit of trust issues from that, however I am also loyal to a fault. If I’m with you, I am only with you. No open relationships, no cheating, nothing.
Kind of at a loss of what to do. Do I continue to pay for dating apps and just wait, or is there something I can do to proactively try to meet someone, outside of what I am already doing? I am open to more questions if more context is needed for anything.