TLDR: My wife keeps talking to another guy online even though I told her it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how I’m gunna talk to her about it without it damaging our relationship.
Starting with a little context
I’m in the military and when I got back from a short deployment in December, I noticed my wife had started playing a video game with a specific guy and some of his friends. She didn’t keep this from me or anything and I didn’t see anything wrong with it. In fact I played with them on several occasions and I don’t mind the guy at all I think he’s cool (we will call him John).but eventually she started staying up really late to play with him and sometimes him and her other friends. Like up till 5am or so. Even after twice I expressed that I wanted her to come to bed with me to sleep because I couldn’t sleep and would be more comfortable if she payed with me she would still go play this game with John.This stated to make me uncomfortable and I just ignored it to be honest.
Fast forward to about a month ago. Me and my wife were playing a game with John and his friend and my wife and I were drinking. Unfortunately my wife had a little too much to drink and I had to go put her to bed. (She was okay sat with her for over an hour to make sure). When I put her to bed I went to turn my computer off and hers as well. But when I went to turn it off I saw their discord chat between them open (her and John).
I know that looking through her private chat with him is an invasion of privacy in a way but at this point I had started to kind of get that feeling that they were clicking a little to well for someone she hasn’t known for that long.
The chat was pretty tame and it didn’t have anything concerning on my wife’s side of the conversation. But John would hear and there make flirtatious jokes. Not allot maybe on two or three occasions. To which my wife just ignored and continued their conversation. I also gathered that John is possibly depressed and kind of attached himself to my wife considering my wife has been kind to him and not shut down any of his flirting.
After seeing this I talked to her a few days later and expressed my feelings about how uncomfortable I was about how close she got to John. I basically said i was uncomfortable the amount of time she spent with him online and that it upset me that she chose to play games with him twice instead of coming to bed with me.
She apologized and said she didn’t know I felt this way. I also pointed out that it seamed like John was developed feelings towards him and she said she agreed and thinks she’s obsessed with him. Which at the time I just laughed it off.
After the conversation she didn’t play the game with him for a few days and spent some time with me. But slowly over this past month she has started to continue to play games with him later and later. First playing till 10pm or 11pm. Then Maybe a little later on her days off. To then playing even later on her days off. Then to even later on her work days. To where now she’s up past midnight when have works the next day and up till 3am or 4am again on the days off.
I’ve also started to feel like over all she doesn’t enjoy playing games with me anymore and would rather just play with him. For example when we play the same game as her she doesn’t say much when I try to engage in the game but is much more engaging when she plays with him.
I feel like I’m back to where I started with this and it’s starting to actually upset me and I just need some advice before I talk to her. We don’t argue really ever. Anytime we have any issues we always talk them through and it never turns into a shouting match or anything.I’m not perfect or anything but this bothers me and I don’t want to bundle up my feelings and turn something that might not be that bad into a full blown issue and it create damage in our marriage.
Please reach out in DM if you want.