Fear of Being Annoying

(20 M) I’ve been told, countless times that I’m charming and charismatic, but theirs always a nagging voice in the back of my head saying that I’m being “annoying” and I take any slight indication of such personally.

It’s gotten so bad, that it’s effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, friends, and family.

For context; I’m a talker at heart. I make friends just about anywhere I go. I talk to just about anyone who would listen; classic case of being an extrovert. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that after most interactions I wonder if I was annoying them, and if it would have been better off to leave them alone.

I don’t talk much around my boyfriend , which is extremely uncharacteristic of me. Before people start thinking that he may be the problem, he’s not. Truly, he’s the man of my dreams, a perfect imperfect match for me.

But, this anxiety has hindered me to the point where, I don’t even call him. I want to, but theirs that anxiety in the back of my head saying that I’m annoying him, that I’m just inconveniencing him. I just feel like he would be more happy if I wasn’t there. Which, he has stated the opposite multiple times.

I’m afraid of calling and reaching out to friends and family because I’m afraid of me hindering them and causing more of an inconvenience for them.

I know it isn’t healthy, I know that this isn’t logically true, my therapist of 6 years has drilled such in my head. But, it feels that way.

Has anyone else feel this way? What’s your story? If you are in this journey what have you learned? And if you’ve healed this, what is your greatest takeaway?

Thank you ❤️