So I’m 15 and in high school, I don’t really fit in to any group necessarily at school. I’m not nerdy, I’m not a gangbanger wannabe and those a pretty much the entire groups at my school. I judge a lot , I wish to change that but I also want to be nicer to people. I go to a charter school because I got into too many fights, usually with my previous friends. Now I’m in a school with a mix of expelled kids and really weird kids honestly . Like weird. Not trying to judge but very abnormal /gacha life/ furry kids (in high school) … I’ve always been known to talk like a ton. And I can’t really help it my grades are slipping for the first time I can’t focus on shit and it’s starting to affect me. Every group I get into I can make people laugh, I’m like a class clown of the sort. But I try my best to stay away from making fun of people, unless it’s clearly a joke. Sometimes I take it too far and go back and apologize to make sure they know it’s a joke. I usually at the start of the year find a group I’m good with and then they slowly start ignoring / making jokes. And then they go from friends to clearly not friends. Tell start saying shit like “this kid things we’re friends with him” even though at the beginning of the year they liked me. Usually when it gets to that point I leave and start trying to find another group because when one person starts saying it yk they all are. I don’t know why I have such a hard time making friends , honestly , I’m very kind to people once they know me. I’ll never do them wrong and I’ll keep there secrets. I feel like everyone sees me as this class clown who simply talks too much . Automatically assuming I’m stupid because I say stuff. I feel like people generally think I’m annoying/weird. I feel like a douche sometimes, for judging too much. And I feel annoying to everyone for talking too much and I wish I could stop. I really have a hard time understanding why people dislike me so much, and when they do like me I can never make it into becoming better then just barley friends. I’m the kinda person who just doesn’t sit right with each group. Only friends I’ve made usually are dicks and then it ends up with me fighting one of them within doing do. I’m also wondering if my physical appearance has anything to do with it, me being 5,4 in freshman is pretty short. Meaning people will talk shit so much.
I’ve been called weird, but the “good kind of weird” at a table and everyone agreed. Who tf knows what that means… does anyone have any idea what I should do, I wanna talk less. I hope I’m not seen as one of those obnoxious annoying class clowns. I feel like myself and don’t feel like myself.
I don’t know how to view myself from a 3 person view but I get told to shut up a lot for talking a lot in class. Sometimes I feel like a nuisance.