My brain feels like its wired wrong. I feel like I have a constant lump in the back of my throat in all situations. I can never say things well enough. I can’t say the words that I want to say. I fail at even the most rudimentary humor or conversational flow.
Same thing happens to me when I am writing. I often have to leave empty spaces [ ] when I am trying to write anything/go on mad thesaurus searches/write and re-write a paragraph over and over.
It makes me feel like I am incapable of being human. I feel like I don’t exist and can never hope TO exist. Being comfortable around and subsequently liked by people feels unachievable. Just thinking about any kind of social connection between people makes me feel hopelessly depressed.
How do I change this? How do I make it so that I can talk to someone and be comfortable and normal?