I was born as Christian, went to a Christian school from kindergarten till college. And I belong in a conservative Asian country with a conservative family.
After a year of breaking into an 8 year long relationship, I have decided to date again. Or maybe just screw around.
I’m 27 when I lost my virginity and I thought it wouldn’t matter to me but I got depressed for one whole week. I would wake up in the morning and just cried and cried.
I have posted in Reddit about this too and I have gained comfort. But after some while, I decided to date again. Then I found a good guy, he was smart and funny and caring. Then we just suddenly had sex.
I felt empty though. I felt no shame but neither was I proud of what I’ve done. But I felt so guilty because I wasn’t feeling any shame. I felt like I have betrayed my Christian values of not going into premarital sex, I have betrayed my family’s ideals of chastity.
Is what I’m doing a bad thing? My guilt and shame make me wanna lose contact with the guy I’m seeing.
Maybe this isn’t the same intensity of depression I felt on the first time I had sex, but maybe I still am feeling guilty about it. But little by little, I’m gaining sex positivity.