I 32f have been sexually active e with my partner 34m for little over 5months. Before me he only had sex 4 times and that was over 6 years ago. He use to masturbate frequently sometimes multiple times a day. He has not orgasmed or cum when we have sex. Sometimes he has issues staying hard too. I have just never experienced this with a guy especially since he is young and goes to the gym everyday and seems pretty healthy. I’m afraid this will ruin our relationship, I really do love him and it scares me that this is the issue. Does this make sex less enjoyable for him? I know he is physically attractive to me its just he can’t cum and so idk if it would make him want to stop. Has anyone had experience with this kind of situation?

9 comments
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  2. He needs to get checked out for ED, even if he works out and is eating well. He might still have serious health issues. I started having issues with ED in my mid 20s.

  3. Tell him to stop all porn permanently and stop masturbating completely for at least several months. Remove all artificial stimulation (no soft porn, insta girls etc etc) and make sexual acts with you the absolute only outlet for his sexual release. If he sticks to this and provided he has no underlying health issues and keeps going to the gym he will be gushing in no time. Sidenote: Worth chucking in up to 5g citrulline daily and some zinc and magnesium to keep things 100 on the erection front.

  4. Cut the masturbation and porn. Hes choking the chicken way too much and the porn is desensitizing him to sex. You wouldn’t believe the difference once he takes a break from all that. Porn is more detrimental than people realize for people’s sexual health and wellness. My bf went limp for a while and it was putting a serious strain on our relationship. I wouldn’t want to have sex because I was afraid of him going soft and not being able to cum, it made me feel insecure and it made him feel inadequate. Most nights would end with both of us crying about it. Looking back I’m sure he was watching porn while i was at work or sleeping and doing it way too often, I kept finding porn on his phone and I spiraled pretty bad, he’d use the porn over my vids and nudes and it really hurt. He cut the porn and now we wait for each other and it’s been a great while since he’s had limp dick. We still have our issues but that resolved itself

  5. Others have covered the porn and masterbation, I agree he should stop doing both.

    I would additionally ask if he takes any medications or uses any recreational drugs that may be contributing? Antidepressants and other medications can potentially cause/contribute to this issue.

  6. There are so many factors that could be causing him not to cum. Some easy to change, i.e. not masturbating as much, some harder, like psychological blockages.
    As someone who has been through this with my partner my advice is to 1. Trust what he says, even if he does not cum if he says he is having a pleasurable time and it’s not frustrating believe him 2. Don’t internalize it on yourself, everyone has their own things they need to work through, this may just be one of his, it is not your fault or your problem to solve alone.
    Obviously how you choose to handle this situation ultimately is up to you. But I can share that in my experience with it we just kept working through it (I tried focus on my own pleasure and how I was feeling) and eventually he came.

  7. SSRIs can do that. Not being able to cum is a common side effect. I don’t think ED is.

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