I’m in college and I really like my roommate and we get along well. This is our second year living together in a double. As she goes to college across the country from where she lives, she is in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend. They call/facetime often, and I’ve met him and he’s also a nice guy.
She asked me last school year if he could visit for our Thanksgiving break and stay in the room for a few days, and I gave my permission. However, this has transitioned to him coming to visit, staying in our room, and sleeping in the same bed as her for nearly every break that we have (2-3 times per semester). He usually stays around a week. She always notifies me before he comes, but she hasn’t explicitly asked for permission since the first time. At first it didn’t really bother me, as I like both of them as people and they’re usually really respectful, but recently it has started to make me feel like I’m a visitor in my own room. It’s hard for me to relax with an extra person hanging around all the time, and I like to study for exams in my room so it can get kinda awkward if they’re cuddling or something while I’m trying to study. Its also just annoying to have to change in the bathroom etc.
Recently, he visited for a four-day break that we have, and I left to go home (partially because he would be there), while they both stayed in the dorm. I thought he would be leaving the day after I came back, but apparently he had changed his flight to a week later so he would be sleeping in the room for longer. Something about this didn’t sit right with me, as I hadn’t planned to give them privacy/stay out of the room more during those extra days.
I feel really bad about bringing it up to her as I don’t really see a good compromise. I think she should be able to see her long-distance boyfriend a few times per semester, and they don’t really do anything “wrong” while I’m there, but its just an extra person being around all the time that puts me on edge, especially during breaks when I should be catching up on work and relaxing.
I’m an extremely passive person and haven’t really ever brought up any issues to her (she’s also a very good roommate, so the issues are mild and infrequent). This is the first time I have ever really considered talking to her about a problem I have with something, and I genuinely have no idea how to do it. If anybody has advice about how to tastefully bring it up, or any compromises, that would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance!