Hello everyone (18Ðœ). I have no friends and zero social skills. When I studied at school, was too focused on studying. I feel like the most people my age already have friends, and i missed something. Maybe bad relationships with parents played a role. I remember how i used to come home at a slow pace, fearing that dad is in the bad mood and will beat me. Was always paranoid about being spied on by my mother, she used to read my chats, always watched when i was just hanging out with my classmates, left the bug in my backpack. Now relationships are normal and i’m not offended, but still regret about my past. Then I went to the university, and have not found any friends there. I communicated with two guys in my group at the beginning, but sometimes feeled myself superfluous, awkward, difficult to carry on a conversation etc. Just before I turned 18, I left Ukraine with my family. One guy stopped to keep in touch with me, he never writes first since I left. But before everything was normal, or at least i thought so. I don’t have close friends, don’t open up to anyone completely. Not sure about autism, but it describes me very well. By the way, I will move to Germany soon. People say, it’s hard to make friends there and it upsets me even more. It feels like my personality has been already formed and will never change. I often feel guilty and ashamed of myself, overwhelmed by the wish to disappear. I don’t enjoy life anymore, don’t think that things will be better. Thanks to everyone who read to the end
Did you have a similar situation? How did you deal with it? Let me know if you want to chat with me, would be great to find friends here