27F, been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve complained to my mother enough and she has always reassured me that I just haven’t found the right one, been hearing this since I was 21. I feel like I could have been in a relationship or at least “dated” if I went for the guys that have pursued me. However, I got tired of the ones I didn’t like back approaching me and have decided to use bumble. I’ve met up with two guys and didn’t feel them either. It’s only been twice BUT like I said I tried the other apps for years. My life has always been the ones I want don’t want me back/aren’t serious and the ones that like me I don’t want back. My mom says that she really loved my dad and she’s been with her current boyfriend for years but I just don’t get the appeal of either of them (seeing them as if I don’t know them or aren’t related to them). She says she didn’t settle but I just don’t get how you aren’t settling if you aren’t physically attracted to the person. I do feel I will genuinely end up alone, rather be alone vs being taken and miserable. Not that this matters but I don’t really have an active sex drive, I don’t enjoy masturbating and haven’t had sex in years. I saw someone very briefly 3 years ago and while he had a decent personality, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. That was my closest to a relationship, you’re seriously telling me I haven’t been able to find anyone since? It’s like the universe is telling me I can’t do any better, I have never even introduced anyone to my family going on 30. Social anxiety is something I deal with but not that much of a contributing factor. Around a yr ago, I took a 6 month break from dating apps.
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6 comments
how many times are you gunna post this?
If you want to work on your sex drive then see a doctor about it, if not then disclose that to potential partners. If you can work on how physically attractive you are, (ie lose weight, gain weight, makeup, etc..) then maybe do that. Otherwise maybe get some hobbies. Just find a dude dominated hobby, should be piss easy to make friends then.
Also, we really didn’t need to know you don’t find your dad and moms current boyfriend unattractive, she apparently does, good for her. Feels like you might want a therapist more than reddit, cause this reads more like a rant/off my chest kinda thing.
EDIT: Actually, looking at your post history, i think you really should see a therapist/mental-health expert. You seem to overthink things alot, and i’m pretty sure you’re overthinking this whole dating thing too. Not to mention bad mental health can really fuck with your dating life. Good luck op.
If dudes aren’t interested in you, it’s usually because you’re hitting above your weight. Seek therapy, better yourself and then start looking at dating. No guy wants this negative energy and no guy wants his time wasted for you to seemingly just be ‘settling’.
If you only go after tall and handsome then prepare to be perpetually single.
Sexual attraction can also come from chemistry and compatibility. Maybe if you get to know people better it will develop. Sometimes trust and emotional intimacy can also enhance sexual attraction. Are you letting people in emotionally?
I’m very social. I’ve never had trouble making friends and meeting people. My ‘secret’ is i say yes to opportunities and I always keep an open mind and let people surprise me. Sometimes the narratives you have in your head of your mom’s life or what settling is can control the way you perceive reality. Try to let go of that and just take things as they are and see where they go.
If you come off as frustrated and discontented, it’s probably not going to attract the best people.
Dating apps work for most people. You do need to learn how to make your profile more attractive and how to weed out the assholes. That takes time and thought