Tl;DR my (26F) bf (33M) no longer makes plans with me and I feel like he’s just keeping me around as a comfort item when he needs it
My bf and I have been together just over 7 months now. Things were great in the beginning even though I had just come out of a 5 year relationship and a toxic 6 week fling (with a guy who used me for sex while chasing and then committing to another girl).
He didn’t care about all the stuff I’d been going thru he wanted to be with me anyway. From October ’21 to February ’22 we would make solid plans to see each other at least once a week. We’re both in college and it was great. Then around March I fell into (and am still in) a depressive episode. I’ve been really sad, tired, and non-communicative because I feel like he gets upset that I’m sad and that he can’t help or fix it and I just feel like it’s not okay to not be okay around him. Like I just end up comforting him when I open up and its exhausting. Since March I’ve tried making plans, being the initiator, and he always says “I don’t know when ill have time” and if I see him that week its last minute. He says he loves me and cares about me but that he’s busy with the end of the semester. That’s fine, he’s all done with school when he graduates community college June 4th and I’ve asked if after that will we see each other more and he still says “I don’t know” while turning around and saying he misses me. He also says that he wants to spend time working more hours to make money and more time writing and playing music.
(We’re both musicians but I already have a BM and am now in school to be an SLP and he’s in school for music to become a teacher, he starts at 4-year this fall).
I’m really lost and don’t know what to do.
2 comments
Nothing you can do… sounds like he’s pretty much abandoned the relationship. Just quit calling him and move on.
It sounds like he can’t say to your face what he’s thinking. As hard as it may be he could be moving on and slowly trying to distance you because that’s easier than facing you in person and saying it’s over. He could be telling the truth that he is busy but if someone cares about you and wants to be with you they’ll make the time, and I know that from being in college myself. To me it sounds like you’re a backup almost, which really sucks for me to say.
I could be wrong and he could truly be way too busy, I guess you’ll know that answer in a few weeks.
I would say just take the next few weeks to focus on yourself. Do what you can to care for your depression, take your days off when it’s too hard to get out of bed but when you have a sliver of motivation use it to do something you love that makes you happy (something preferably alone or even with friends that doesn’t involve him). And after you do that you’ll have an answer as to whether he truly wants to be with you or not. But always remember you control your emotions and you shouldn’t allow someone to bring you down more, so if it does end, remember what you went through during these next few weeks, how you had moments of happiness alone even though you were depressed.
Speaking as a long time diagnosed depressive myself, I think this would be most helpful if I were in your shoes. As hard as it may seem to do to forget about someone.